Testimonials For Orkut???

A retail chain does a fantastic marketing pitch in TV, Radio, Magazines, Internet etc. Amazing marketing. You are thrilled at the product and you want to buy it or know about it further. And so you go to the shop and….and…and…..THEY DONT LET YOU IN. Why? Because they don’t know you. Actually there is nothing up for sale there. Why were they advertising then? Oh! Just like that. They wanted other people to know how great they were. Do you think the above situation is hypothetical and does not happen in the real world? Welcome to orkut.

I have been spending a lot of time in orkut (also called orkutting). Maybe it’s the enthusiasm of a new found toy or maybe orkut is really addictive. One of the things that keeps me entertained on orkut (apart from drooling at girl's photographs) is the whole testimonial thingy. If you don't know what a testimonial is - let me explain. If a person has a profile in orkut - a friend of that person writes a testimonial about the profile owner. To completely define Testimonial:-

A statement in support of a particular truth, fact, or claim.

A written affirmation of another's character or worth; a personal recommendation. Something given in appreciation of a person's service or achievement; a tribute.

Tribute? Appreciation? Truth? Consider these:

“She is such an amzing girl, everybody wants to be her friend. She is so caring, helpful, adjective 3, adjective 4…..Then ofcourse there are guys slipping in a semi-droolish "she is so beautiful" under the guise of being cool and frank but secretly hoping the girl noticed their tactful flirt.

Some species send forward jokes or articles as testimonials… Psychos all of them….

Then there are some species who write testimonials in some weird shapes. I have seen testimonials in the shapes of hearts, lighthouses, dancing girls…and hold on…A cricket Bat.. I mean what the hell….On second thoughts. Im also partly to blame here too because I too had been bitten by this bug once.

On searching I found out that there is actually a community (group for the Un-Orkut ones) which gives out free testimonials to their members…Don’t believe me? Take a look:

http://www.orkut.com/Community.aspx?cmm=114370

God bless them all!

But undoubtedly the 2 worst (or best) testimonials I have come across are these:

1. lagta hai mausam kafi sard hai,
   Par doston ko scrap karne me kya harz hai,
   Aap ko scrap behjna hamara farz hai,
   kyonki aap ke id hamare pc mai darz hai.
   Yeh scrab type karte-karte hamare unglion me dard hai
   Itna jaan lo ae dost hamara ye scrap app par karz hai
   Is karz ko kitne scrap kar ke chukana hai,
   Yeh sochana ab aapka farz hai......
2. XYZ….Name saays it aal. She liking ballons very much (???) We being frainds for long time. She a sweetheaert. Thank You. (Spelling mistakes are not mine)

This one is the best… Thank You??? Hahaha…..

One more thing I have noticed is that most of these ‘creative’ testimonial writers on Orkut are generally male of the age group (16-24). I mean God had a wicked sense of humor when he created such a sex starved species such as the male homosapien. Most men enter orkut, browsing through profiles, internet, thinking " I need a girl, will she work". I don’t mean to condescend (well! I do but that’s a separate topic) but in all honesty, I sympathize with my fellow male species. There is this overwhelming desire to get the ‘girl’ but they have to make the 'fraanship' first. So you see all these guys leaving messages "will you make friends with me" -- "can I be your friend" or even better “I saw your profile, So I just dropped in to say Hi with a hope that you will respond to this message”. So what the internet has done is bring out the male stupidity into the public domain. In my school days (Ahhh…Nostalgia) we had guys hand out greeting cards (with a passionate face), love letters (no email in my school days, no chat, no mobile - can you believe it?). The only messenger in my days was another friend who communicated 'love' and 'feelings' to this girl. The girl tore up these cards or bashed up the messenger. However, it was all well concealed and happened in private. The boy rarely suffered public humiliation.

Here on Orkut, On one hand all girls are in a centralized place and there is opportunity to flirt. But on the other hand its ripe and presents enormous scope for public humiliation. But the male of the species still bite it. They have an open profile with testimonials, brothers, sisters etc and they still leave 'fraanship' messages in unknown profiles. I have laughed so loud at certain guys begging, pleading and imploring for 'fraanship' in orkut. And I don’t blame them. We are just made that way!!!

There are some laws about testimonial writing. They are:

Teal’s universal law of testimonials:

“The number of lines in one’s testimonial is inversely proportional to the level of knowing the person who is writing the damn thing for them”
Hell I can tell you guys. My best friend has written one of the shortest testimonials, ever.
Not because they don’t care for you, it’s just that they know sooo much about you, cramming years of knowledge in a small amount of space is very hard.

Teal’s secret hidden corollary of testimonials:

The sweetest and the best testimonials are inversely proportional to the level of your expectation – i.e. the best testimonials are those that come out of the blue

Teal’s 1st corollary to the universal law of testimonials:

“The level of sweetness in the testimonial towards the person is again inversely proportional to the level of the writer closeness of that individual.”
Lol. Need I say more?

For more knowledge about these laws, please visit

http://trinityteal.blogspot.com/2006/06/art-of-testimonial-writing.html

The laws are not mine… I aint a lawmaker… yet!!!!