Tuesday, October 14, 2008

You Are Essentially Alone

I remember seeing the movie “You are alone” last year. It was a chronicle of 2 people who are bored to hell and meet in Hotel Duncan. Though the movie was based on the ensuing boredom as a consequence of loneliness, however the portraits of the character were very satisfactorily captured. If you have not seen the film, don’t worry, this piece is not about the movie.
The film actually strikes a chord with everyone. It captures the rudimentary apprehension in everyone’s life: TO BE ALONE. There are some souls who advocate loneliness and seem to delight in it. As the saying goes “You are born alone, you live alone, and you die alone. If you accept this as reality, then any friendship, any relationship that contributes to your life you are grateful for. You accept it as a gift."
The question remains. What would ensue if you would find yourself alone? As alone as a dinosaur in the 20th century. No one to talk to, no one to enjoy your time with. Sometimes it happens in life and to no one’s surprise; it coincides with one of the worst phases in our life. We human beings having dwelled in the social setup for so long have forgotten all about loneliness. We tend to run away from it. We tend to ignore it. But the truth is there. Loneliness exists. It manifests itself in the bored housewife (Desperate housewives??), the worked to death executive, the divorcee etc.
Why do we experience loneliness? No other question has occupied me so consistently and no other question has led me to more diverse answers. When I was a child we lived an isolated life. But there were times, which I remember with particular fondness, when being alone was not a problem. I wandered on my own, fascinated by the variety of trees, the different feelings they evoked as I touched the bark and branches, the thorns or flowers. Absorbed in a world of constant wonder, I wasn't alone.
But life wasn't idyllic all the time. When I returned home and re-entered into family relationships, the feeling of loneliness returned. Psychologists may say I wasn't socialised properly. This may be true, but it is not a sufficient explanation. I enjoyed playing with my brother (that is, when we were not fighting). I loved the company of friends, but preferably not more than two or three at a time. But somehow those were times of escape. My closest friend was loneliness. My deepest feeling was that of not belonging. I took refuge in books, TV and other sources of entertainment.
The real problem of loneliness comes from the concept of ‘I’. I as in me, I as in the self, I as in the individual. We tend to look too much inside us that we tend to forget or rather neglect what is going on the outside. Thus, you can have a landline phone, an office phone, a mobile number yet have no one to share your loneliness. This indeed is the irony of the information age. Ayn Rand captured the fight of the self v/s the will of the society very nicely in her short book “Anthem”.
The compelling thought behind this piece was an oft repeated dialogue by an acquaintance, “Yaar main bore ho gaya hu (Dude, I am bored)”. The intensity by which we get bored is amazing. It is quite rightly said “Idle mind is devil’s workshop”.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thursday, October 16, 2008
Touching moment
It wasn’t that great morning today but became one after I rushed to get SATYAM bus to STC from Paradise crossing, where traffic is peak between 7.00am to 10.00am (thanks to all company buses). As usual I was eager to cross the road to catch the bus and then I saw a visually challenged person who also wanted to cross the road. Anyway, even I wanted to cross so I thought of giving him company.

The moment, I held him and said “let’s cross”; he asked whether I am a Satyamite. I was wonderstruck and my cluster of grey cells starting buzzing up (why he didn’t ask my name or where I work, why directly asked whether a Satyamite I am). I literally interrogated him for asking me this question. He smiled and replied,

“Everyday I stand here waiting for somebody to help me cross this road. I know that this place is a stop for many company buses, but each day only a Satyamite helps me reach the other side.”

That very moment made me flash a 1000w smile (I wonder what people must have thought J). But these beautiful words changed my perception. I realized that we do “act with sensitivity” in our day-to-day lifestyle. Everyday morning unwritten agenda of mine was to blame SATYAM for making me away from my home but today the feeling of proud has sunk in so much that still I am keeping my head high and those goose bumps haven’t settled down yet.

Anil said...

Hmm....Nice one, this is nature man U come alone, Live together, nd leave alone. The only thing that comes and will go with you is ur loneliness...

The people who understand this, life is beautiful. But those who won't life is difficult to live...

Who thought, two of our frds will leave us(Nime nd Pinchu)or I will come so far frm my home nd frds but only thing that remains we will meet some day nd will have blast..Thants life Mr. Dhruv...LIVE IT...

mahima said...

hey dhruv, liked ur new blog. i've led a similar life tht u describe. Yes, lonliness and boredum are some entities. But, i feel, loneliness can be utilized constructively. And, loneliness can cause destruction. It depends on wht u want to do. taken constructively, u can probe more about yourself which leads to better understanding of the self. half the problems arise cuz we dont know what we want! Incidently, as u understand urself,
u can try and understand others better as well.

On the negative end, it can lead to complexes and isolation.

On a spiritual note, i wud like to add : " lonliness and boredun is inside us, not outside". That summarizes everthing.

rimjhim said...

well a wonderfully wriiten blog...all i can say i wanted to write something like that..but it cudnt go on paper..in short..i am jealous...of the writing skill of the person ...and the way he really joted down abt such an escapic topic...just a piece of marvel......

rohini said...

" i am bored" there is no one who hasn't said it... i feel the primary reason for this being, you aren't listening to your heart... things aren't happening the way you wanted them to... something is going missing... you aren't pleasing your heart... when you are bored nothing delights you, you dont find anything good thus turning restless... boredum is the time when it warns you to fill that missing factor of your life it could be anything... passion, hobby, time with yourself, anything...
its really difficult to write on a topic like loneliness... efforts are transparent... too good...

Priya Tiwari said...

Very nice blog dhruvi......
I think being alone is very hard.it's true that at some point in our life we experience the feeling of loneliness,but this is part of life and we should prepare ourself mentally by accepting this because it's very difficult to find a friend who will support u all the way through....
alone is good for a little while,after a period of time everybody needs someone......

InPursuitOfHappiness! said...

Rightly said ...:)