You Are Essentially Alone

I remember seeing the movie “You are alone” last year. It was a chronicle of 2 people who are bored to hell and meet in Hotel Duncan. Though the movie was based on the ensuing boredom as a consequence of loneliness, however the portraits of the character were very satisfactorily captured. If you have not seen the film, don’t worry, this piece is not about the movie.
The film actually strikes a chord with everyone. It captures the rudimentary apprehension in everyone’s life: TO BE ALONE. There are some souls who advocate loneliness and seem to delight in it. As the saying goes “You are born alone, you live alone, and you die alone. If you accept this as reality, then any friendship, any relationship that contributes to your life you are grateful for. You accept it as a gift."
The question remains. What would ensue if you would find yourself alone? As alone as a dinosaur in the 20th century. No one to talk to, no one to enjoy your time with. Sometimes it happens in life and to no one’s surprise; it coincides with one of the worst phases in our life. We human beings having dwelled in the social setup for so long have forgotten all about loneliness. We tend to run away from it. We tend to ignore it. But the truth is there. Loneliness exists. It manifests itself in the bored housewife (Desperate housewives??), the worked to death executive, the divorcee etc.
Why do we experience loneliness? No other question has occupied me so consistently and no other question has led me to more diverse answers. When I was a child we lived an isolated life. But there were times, which I remember with particular fondness, when being alone was not a problem. I wandered on my own, fascinated by the variety of trees, the different feelings they evoked as I touched the bark and branches, the thorns or flowers. Absorbed in a world of constant wonder, I wasn't alone.
But life wasn't idyllic all the time. When I returned home and re-entered into family relationships, the feeling of loneliness returned. Psychologists may say I wasn't socialised properly. This may be true, but it is not a sufficient explanation. I enjoyed playing with my brother (that is, when we were not fighting). I loved the company of friends, but preferably not more than two or three at a time. But somehow those were times of escape. My closest friend was loneliness. My deepest feeling was that of not belonging. I took refuge in books, TV and other sources of entertainment.
The real problem of loneliness comes from the concept of ‘I’. I as in me, I as in the self, I as in the individual. We tend to look too much inside us that we tend to forget or rather neglect what is going on the outside. Thus, you can have a landline phone, an office phone, a mobile number yet have no one to share your loneliness. This indeed is the irony of the information age. Ayn Rand captured the fight of the self v/s the will of the society very nicely in her short book “Anthem”.
The compelling thought behind this piece was an oft repeated dialogue by an acquaintance, “Yaar main bore ho gaya hu (Dude, I am bored)”. The intensity by which we get bored is amazing. It is quite rightly said “Idle mind is devil’s workshop”.