Monday, November 19, 2007

Testimonials For Orkut???

A retail chain does a fantastic marketing pitch in TV, Radio, Magazines, Internet etc. Amazing marketing. You are thrilled at the product and you want to buy it or know about it further. And so you go to the shop and….and…and…..THEY DONT LET YOU IN. Why? Because they don’t know you. Actually there is nothing up for sale there. Why were they advertising then? Oh! Just like that. They wanted other people to know how great they were. Do you think the above situation is hypothetical and does not happen in the real world? Welcome to orkut.

I have been spending a lot of time in orkut (also called orkutting). Maybe it’s the enthusiasm of a new found toy or maybe orkut is really addictive. One of the things that keeps me entertained on orkut (apart from drooling at girl's photographs) is the whole testimonial thingy. If you don't know what a testimonial is - let me explain. If a person has a profile in orkut - a friend of that person writes a testimonial about the profile owner. To completely define Testimonial:-

A statement in support of a particular truth, fact, or claim.

A written affirmation of another's character or worth; a personal recommendation. Something given in appreciation of a person's service or achievement; a tribute.

Tribute? Appreciation? Truth? Consider these:

“She is such an amzing girl, everybody wants to be her friend. She is so caring, helpful, adjective 3, adjective 4…..Then ofcourse there are guys slipping in a semi-droolish "she is so beautiful" under the guise of being cool and frank but secretly hoping the girl noticed their tactful flirt.

Some species send forward jokes or articles as testimonials… Psychos all of them….

Then there are some species who write testimonials in some weird shapes. I have seen testimonials in the shapes of hearts, lighthouses, dancing girls…and hold on…A cricket Bat.. I mean what the hell….On second thoughts. Im also partly to blame here too because I too had been bitten by this bug once.

On searching I found out that there is actually a community (group for the Un-Orkut ones) which gives out free testimonials to their members…Don’t believe me? Take a look:

http://www.orkut.com/Community.aspx?cmm=114370

God bless them all!

But undoubtedly the 2 worst (or best) testimonials I have come across are these:

  1. lagta hai mausam kafi sard hai,
    Par doston ko scrap karne me kya harz hai,
    Aap ko scrap behjna hamara farz hai,
    kyonki aap ke id hamare pc mai darz hai.
    Yeh scrab type karte-karte hamare unglion me dard hai
    Itna jaan lo ae dost hamara ye scrap app par karz hai
    Is karz ko kitne scrap kar ke chukana hai,
    Yeh sochana ab aapka farz hai......
  2. XYZ….Name saays it aal. She liking ballons very much (???) We being frainds for long time. She a sweetheaert. Thank You. (Spelling mistakes are not mine)

This one is the best… Thank You??? Hahaha…..

One more thing I have noticed is that most of these ‘creative’ testimonial writers on Orkut are generally male of the age group (16-24). I mean God had a wicked sense of humor when he created such a sex starved species such as the male homosapien. Most men enter orkut, browsing through profiles, internet, thinking " I need a girl, will she work". I don’t mean to condescend (well! I do but that’s a separate topic) but in all honesty, I sympathize with my fellow male species. There is this overwhelming desire to get the ‘girl’ but they have to make the 'fraanship' first. So you see all these guys leaving messages "will you make friends with me" -- "can I be your friend" or even better “I saw your profile, So I just dropped in to say Hi with a hope that you will respond to this message”. So what the internet has done is bring out the male stupidity into the public domain. In my school days (Ahhh…Nostalgia) we had guys hand out greeting cards (with a passionate face), love letters (no email in my school days, no chat, no mobile - can you believe it?). The only messenger in my days was another friend who communicated 'love' and 'feelings' to this girl. The girl tore up these cards or bashed up the messenger. However, it was all well concealed and happened in private. The boy rarely suffered public humiliation.

Here on Orkut, On one hand all girls are in a centralized place and there is opportunity to flirt. But on the other hand its ripe and presents enormous scope for public humiliation. But the male of the species still bite it. They have an open profile with testimonials, brothers, sisters etc and they still leave 'fraanship' messages in unknown profiles. I have laughed so loud at certain guys begging, pleading and imploring for 'fraanship' in orkut. And I don’t blame them. We are just made that way!!!

There are some laws about testimonial writing. They are:

Teal’s universal law of testimonials:

“The number of lines in one’s testimonial is inversely proportional to the level of knowing the person who is writing the damn thing for them”
Hell I can tell you guys. My best friend has written one of the shortest testimonials, ever.
Not because they don’t care for you, it’s just that they know sooo much about you, cramming years of knowledge in a small amount of space is very hard.


Teal’s secret hidden corollary of testimonials:

The sweetest and the best testimonials are inversely proportional to the level of your expectation – i.e. the best testimonials are those that come out of the blue


Teal’s 1st corollary to the universal law of testimonials:

“The level of sweetness in the testimonial towards the person is again inversely proportional to the level of the writer closeness of that individual.”
Lol. Need I say more?

For more knowledge about these laws, please visit

http://trinityteal.blogspot.com/2006/06/art-of-testimonial-writing.html

The laws are not mine… I aint a lawmaker… yet!!!!

20 comments:

neha said...

Shukar hai ki DhruvJi ne finally likh liya.Ab mere se testimonial kabhi nahi maangnaa.HA

rassmtazz said...

hmm..totally agree with u...men usually on line to check out the girls.and usually begin with some cheeky intro line, and then their is stupid conversation..followed by frd req acceptance..and the testimonial follow on...some go dire hell to ask for photographs...and phone no...all for fun...chat on all stupid topics..and then what???
man u get..tired..and bored...
is it less that one night stand...i wonder...
hmm but i think such a stupid relation where no feeling or professionalism or some kinda respect is involved..dont stand a firm existance.....
but girls are no less equal patners in this candy floss...they too woo a lota guys...with choco coated words...and delirious pics...i wonder..what this networking leading too...
but have its positive side too..it also act as a forum for the ppl who are usually social losers and introwards..in real life.....they too get to xpess and reach out..which is rather..uncommen in real world...
franky speaking i have met a lota ppl out here...on networking sites..some funky..some eager to make frds.some despro...but yess u also stumble upon some good one..
as the saying goes..power in ur hands use the way u want to..

nikki said...

most of ppl on orkut are fake with fake profile.they all are ready to eat to here.its just a time pass.testimonials are just for pleasing people.no one really means it.

rassmtazz said...

well miss nikki
well i really dont think soo....
it just the matter..that...some ppl really have lost the interest in real life..and thnk this virtual world will serve their cause..
some of the testimonial are real and depict true feeling..abt a particular person...maybe they wanna tell the ppl that...how precious the person is to them..
actually the problem began to arise when real ppl start living in virtual world and face away from reality...

HIMANSHU said...

Hey...Really One of the gr8 Truth came to fore......
Initially Thot..it wud be smthin simila to old fashioned one's but u wrote smthing unxpected but the real one....
Gud Job...
Carry On wid it....
Cheers.......

nitin said...

WHY???......that's the only thing that my obfuscated soul asks me whenever i read your blogs......
..."why" does he tell me to read his blogs??...
..."why" do i listen to him???
..."why" has he written all this ****???
..."why" am i still reading???
..."why" is my face sallow???
..."why" do i feel suicidal???
..."why" do i always tell him to 'keep it up!' i the end???
........anyways....leave me with my "why's" and, it was again a great blog mann.....u are doing a great service to the society by writing these blogs...KEEP IT UP, DUDE!!

Dhruv said...

@ nitin
For all the why's there is only 1 answer, "Because its true & because you actually can relate with the writer".
And what about the great service to the society?? I think its the other way around!

rassmtazz said...

hmm something strange here is..girls are comming out with more ideas and experiences..where as the guys clan is inputting nothing..except the increment in no of comments..
hey mr blogger u gotta update ur advertisements.....
curious thing.. how is society serving u thru this blog????????

Dhruv said...

society is serving me by giving me lots of visits... and providing new ideas....

Anonymous said...

Orkut is almost dead now.. The craze is gone

xyzandme said...

I never write testimonials nor expect any one to write any...

Anonymous said...

Nice Post !

Anonymous said...

The incredibility of this article can be clearly proved on the following orkut profile...

http://www.orkut.co.in/Main#Profile.aspx?rl=fpp&uid=11444516517379377835

Log on to ur Orkut account and open the above link to read Mr. Suri's Testimonial.....

LiPi said...

Hey Dhruv! Nice blog! I have a question...
How to deal with friends who constantly bug you to write testimonials for them? What to do about such pleadings which eventually turn to emotional black-mailing and deadly ultimatums!

Dhruv said...

@LiPi
As a matter of principle, I would not say yes to friends asking me to write a testimonial. But if you think that your friends mean a lot to you, just write one and be done with it.
Responding to them can be bit tricky but be honest and dont give false assurances...

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