Thursday, July 23, 2009

MMM : Mistakes Men Make

How do I get a girl to like me? What can I do to let her know how I feel about her? Does she like me?

These may be most frequent questions in a single man in India who is as the line goes ‘Single, ready to Mingle’. The desperation to mingle gets magnified so much that the man commits grave mistakes trying to get that special girl in his life. While I think what a man does in his life is his own business, still I think the majority need to be educated & informed about the faux-pas committed by them. Being a brethren of the male homosapien species, I want to help my fellow Mankind get their Womankind or atlas understand where they are going wrong in the relationship.

While I cannot speak for women nor can a woman speak for all women, there are characteristics the majority of women want in a man. I’ve read several books, talked to ‘attraction’ experts, talked to women about what they want in a man, tested techniques, and have observed many scenarios comparing and contrasting variables men display in their interaction with women to develop a set of avoidable mistakes men can avoid to build their attractiveness towards women.

So here is my take on the mistakes men make:

1. Love is not just Physical

Most of the men behave as a sex-starved animal. Their thinking is limited to “I need a girl, will she work?” They see women as an object not as a person. While there may be nymphomaniac women out there who enter into relationships only for sex. However here we are concentrating our activities to get your special girl to love you. For that, you need to get over that sex-obsessed syndrome infected satyromania.

2. Don’t be too nice but don’t be a jerk

Have you ever noticed that the really desirable women never seem to be attracted to us "nice" guys? I know you must be saying “ALL THE TIME”. Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks or a**holes"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.

What's going on here?

Simply because, women don't base their choices of men on a mythical ‘niceometer’. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful unexplainable GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. And guess what? Being nice doesn't necessarily make a girl sense that powerful ATTRACTION.

I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to accept but get over it. Remember: Dont go the other way & be a jerk and make her uncomfortable.

3. When she says No, she means No

Ok. Sample question: What would you do if you meet a girl that you REALLY like... but she is just not interested?

I know you will be thinking: “I’ll try to "convince" the girl to feel differently.”


Never. If you have seen the movie “Bruce Almighty”, then you may know what I am talking about. You cannot CONVINCE a girl to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning". If a girl doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her? But we all do it. When a girl just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind. Bad idea dude.

When she says No, it is best to back out, but don’t back out too much. Give her space & time for the feeling to develop (if it can).

4. Trying to BUY her love

How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice date, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did? For a girl, it was an easy choice to make. When you do these things, you send a clear message:

"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".

Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION. Don’t be extravagant. That should come later in the relationship.

5. Making Friendship

I have heard countless stories from my female friends of boys coming at them with various variants of the line : “I want to be friends with you”. Sorry! Your friendship is over before it could ever get started. Friendship doesn’t happen like that. It is a gradual process and it doesn’t happen in packets. It just happens. You cant force it to happen. Atleast not with girls.

6. Who the hell are you? (Jaan naa pehchaan, tu mera mehmaan)

Most of the men think themselves of Adonis reborn. They think women are dying to talk to them. They think they only have to take the 1st step. While it is true that men have to take the 1st step, but then you have to see where the step lies.

What I mean to say is that Girls don’t welcome strangers on the 1st step even if they are handsome, rich or cute. While the before mentioned traits may be helpful, they don’t exactly gurantee a warm welcome by women.

You need to have a very plausible reason to be making a women’s acquaintance. It may be a common reference, some professional issue, some school –college link. There has to be something. A complete stranger is a bad no-no!

7. Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks

One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.

And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.

But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks. There are personality traits as well.

In the end, I wont say what you should do, but I will just say Don’t do the things I have just mentioned. If they help you, please let me know.


indu sharma said...

i certainly appreciate the third pt u wrote dat "no means no" i dont understand why 99.99% of men don't want to accept it n still blv in "ladki ki na me haan chhupi hoti hai"..

Rahil said...

Enjoyed readin this post :)

Ashish said...

Saale, badi research ki hai.
teree persnl experienc lagte hai saare. hai na.

pinku said...

Nice blog dhruv....
Kafi Kuch aapke personal research and experience pe based hai...:)

Anonymous said...

a good certainly jotted down the main points...a bit nostalgic too...most of my friends will agree..that includes the blogger too...:)

Naina said...

most of the guys are just flirting.
looking for showoff. no real feelings

miranda said...

good one jugaadi..yes guys..some girls are hard to please.wen MMM(men make this case) all the points will be earned by the femme fatales leaving the blokes in a pitiful state..more the research, more the confusions..The Ad line from Sprite goes well..ladki ko patana hai?? Seedhi Baat, No Bakwaas :):)

Dhruv said...

@ miranda
agreed. seedhi baat + no bakwaas = great combination

but is it really that simple?

Nazreen said...

Trying to act like Mr. Hitch?

manvi said...

Great Read :)

Pooja said...

Can't say I agree with all of them, but definitely most of them :)