Book novels kitaab text etc

I am generally considered to be a bibliophile or in other words a ‘bookworm’. My advice is generally sought out on matters related to reviews of books, asking about an author and all other sundry matters related to the collection of written texts. Though I don’t profess to be an all knowing Guru of book-ish knowledge, still I enjoy the tag. What I don’t exactly enjoy is answering the same old query almost everyone asks, “yaar, which book should I buy / read?”

If you think its easy, well, retrospect! For I may recommend a Mills & Boon to my young cousin, however I would recommend the Bhagwat gita to my old uncle. The trick of the trade is, my readers, to know the likes and general dislikes of a person; the personality in short.

That’s what gets me wondering – Is there no such list which can cater to all & sundry without prejudice to sex, age and proficiency in the English language? There are many such top 100 lists out there on the net but nothing for the junta who are willing to read but don’t know what to read.

Thinking of all the books I have read, heard or even just skimmed through, I can list some books that can cater to this vast segmented populace. This list is for the general public who want to read a book, but don’t consider themselves to be avid readers. The list is from my limited repository of books and excludes books which I have not read. So if you think some book is missing its rightful place here, please do drop a note.

So read away:

1. Animal farm – George Orwell.

2. The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho.

3. Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien.

4. The Da vinci code – Dan brown

5. A walk to remember - Nicholas Sparks

6. The Kite runner - Khaled Hosseini

7. To kill a mocking bird – Harper Lee

8. A short history of nearly everything – Bill Bryson

9. The collected short stories by Jeffrey Archer

10. Treasure island - Robert Louis Stevenson

I have left out classics like Atlas Shrugged, Fountainhead, Lord of the Flies, Pride & Prejudice among many others. It wasn’t that they were not deserving, but they would not fit the reading list of the general population. But, I would not like to discourage anyone from reading further. If there is a specific genre you are looking for, please see this useful page: - Penguin List

In the end, I ask everyone reading this page to take a minute and just COMMENT on what your favorite book is till date. Thanks

We The Women

Relationships fulfill our very basic need : companionship. And, relationships are also something that need constant work to go on. In his last post, Dhruv enumerated some male faux-pau. It got me thinking about yet another important part of a relationship : equality. And, being the feminist that I am, I think both the gender need to accept responsibility of how the relationship is going. So, we the women also need to understand where we go wrong, too. I tried a few things :

1) Does He ever understand/ Think/ Feel ? : After a fight, women usually complain of the guy's super-sonic brain speed. The common pattern of cribbing is " he never understands what i feel and think." Well, gals, i guess the synapses in emotional areas form a bit slow in them, but then they do. Thankfully ;). Only, till the time the bell rings we are too pissed off to talk about it.

2) The Verbal Language Expression: Most females are better in communicating. This owes to better communication between two halves of the brain. And, expression of love in most of the females has variety. The guys get chastised when they donot match our level of expression. " If i can do it, why cant he? " Well, the fact is, they cannot match our levels , it would be such a waste. So, we need to moderate our expectations. They do it when it really matters ( only, mostly and hopefully ).

3) Catastrophising and Overgeneralizing : So, if you are seeing a guy whose expression of love ( or absence of it) gives you a heartburn , you will tend to catastrophize. We all know how well they express it when there is a chase to acquire you but then there is a steady decline. And, we start thinking that the guy doesnt love us as much. Well, if the guy is really into you, better look for expression of love in kind or acts, you"ll se plenty. Words are just one way to express. May be, OUR favourite way.

4) Assuming men are sex-starved animals: If we have had a bad experience in the past, chances are great that we"ll have problems in developing trust in a future relationship. Well, don't we all always say " I know what he wants " . This holds true especially when we are simultaneously feeling lack of tending to our emotional needs. I donot say men dont want sex from you. Poor things, just say wrong things at the wrong time, or so I feel. And that gets US going for sure. Only in the wrong trajectory. A true guy will make you comfortable, they do.

5) The Grapevine : Ahem.. We the females are social animals at the higher order I guess. Most of us discuss our boyfriends in great detail. And, also what we do. Sharing is a good thing , I know. And, all the things we cant tell you guys, we tell that to our girl friends. And, if we need to fume ( more ) and do an activity called " name calling ", we enjoy it better with our GFs. And, I accept we fell great after that. But, yes, its not always a great thing. We must know how to edit and with hold information - and yes- like good guys do.

6) Over-Analysis : When we face a problem in our relationship, we involuntarily take the responsibility of fixing it. Actually speaking, I dunno if the problem will be solved ever if we leave it upto you ( I think so :)) ) . And, in the process of reaching the solution we reach a stage where an issue has been pulled and examined thread-bare( with GFs' assistance ) and beyond recognition. Please lets give our important and precious brains some rest!! I am sure, the world needs us for better things :))

7) Compromising too much : As females we are more programmed to adjust and mould ourselves according to needs. But we to tend to over do it, forgetting what we used to be. A friend of mine, a very chirpy, outgoing girl became a complete recluse, always glued to her phone.With poor sleep and eating habits, she started even looking different. And more changes followed. I do question if we would want to change ourselves beyond recognition. Many girls do. Love yourself and then think of loving someone else.

8) Plethora of Details : We are definitely more verbose, descriptive and attentive to details of just about anything. And when we talk, we talk to explain it all. Needless of the need of the hour. When we are talking to our female mates, this works well. And, many times the guy will also endure being so in love. But, yes, it would be better for the guy's health ( and ours' ) if we do watch the time and mood. Guys never never can care less about so much detailing that we do. They just nod, watch next time carefully. But, just let it pass.

9) The Silent/ Sulking Treatment : Expression of anger on the guy predominantly takes two forms : Silent or Sulking. And of course if we have been hurt ( esp when the guy forgets important days; so characteristic of guys ) this will follow. But, we again tend to over do it, hold it to our hearts and bring the issue again in the next fight. Its so natural to react like this but of course doesnt help anyone. Try more productive ways of resolution of feelings. And, try and let go faster ( very difficult for us, i know ).

10) The Emotional Atyachaar : Now, I dont want to make fun of the times when we cry and give a philosophy lecture when we feel emotional. But, in retrospect I think we can do without it. As if the guy can understand and assimilate half the things we say. And, anyone changes if you say? They change when they need to ( applies across gender, age etc) . So, here is one indication that we save our breath. And my experience tells me ( dunno if others agree), the real guy is at sea when we cry. Poor thing, doesnt know how to react, what to say or do. He is just totally in the state of shock. And , we dont help them either, rather complicate the matters by shrugging and shunning them. So, its like wanting the thing we dont want right now. Well, even i didnt know how to handle this.

Well, I think I understood this after making these many mistakes in my relationships. And, worst is that all of us keep repeating them. But, understanding problems is first step towards problem resolution. With this post, I intend to help us all understand how contribute to our own problems. I am no expert at solving them ( rather worse) but I am beginning to try and introspect. And, my last word is, whatever we say or do, we are incomplete without these people we love and cherish. So, hold them with gratitude and respect.

MMM : Mistakes Men Make

How do I get a girl to like me? What can I do to let her know how I feel about her? Does she like me?

These may be most frequent questions in a single man in India who is as the line goes ‘Single, ready to Mingle’. The desperation to mingle gets magnified so much that the man commits grave mistakes trying to get that special girl in his life. While I think what a man does in his life is his own business, still I think the majority need to be educated & informed about the faux-pas committed by them. Being a brethren of the male homosapien species, I want to help my fellow Mankind get their Womankind or atlas understand where they are going wrong in the relationship.

While I cannot speak for women nor can a woman speak for all women, there are characteristics the majority of women want in a man. I’ve read several books, talked to ‘attraction’ experts, talked to women about what they want in a man, tested techniques, and have observed many scenarios comparing and contrasting variables men display in their interaction with women to develop a set of avoidable mistakes men can avoid to build their attractiveness towards women.

So here is my take on the mistakes men make:

1. Love is not just Physical

Most of the men behave as a sex-starved animal. Their thinking is limited to “I need a girl, will she work?” They see women as an object not as a person. While there may be nymphomaniac women out there who enter into relationships only for sex. However here we are concentrating our activities to get your special girl to love you. For that, you need to get over that sex-obsessed syndrome infected satyromania.

2. Don’t be too nice but don’t be a jerk

Have you ever noticed that the really desirable women never seem to be attracted to us "nice" guys? I know you must be saying “ALL THE TIME”. Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks or a**holes"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.

What's going on here?

Simply because, women don't base their choices of men on a mythical ‘niceometer’. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful unexplainable GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. And guess what? Being nice doesn't necessarily make a girl sense that powerful ATTRACTION.

I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to accept but get over it. Remember: Dont go the other way & be a jerk and make her uncomfortable.

3. When she says No, she means No

Ok. Sample question: What would you do if you meet a girl that you REALLY like... but she is just not interested?

I know you will be thinking: “I’ll try to "convince" the girl to feel differently.”

Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A GIRL "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never. If you have seen the movie “Bruce Almighty”, then you may know what I am talking about. You cannot CONVINCE a girl to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning". If a girl doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her? But we all do it. When a girl just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind. Bad idea dude.

When she says No, it is best to back out, but don’t back out too much. Give her space & time for the feeling to develop (if it can).

4. Trying to BUY her love

How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice date, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did? For a girl, it was an easy choice to make. When you do these things, you send a clear message:

"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".

Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION. Don’t be extravagant. That should come later in the relationship.

5. Making Friendship

I have heard countless stories from my female friends of boys coming at them with various variants of the line : “I want to be friends with you”. Sorry! Your friendship is over before it could ever get started. Friendship doesn’t happen like that. It is a gradual process and it doesn’t happen in packets. It just happens. You cant force it to happen. Atleast not with girls.

6. Who the hell are you? (Jaan naa pehchaan, tu mera mehmaan)

Most of the men think themselves of Adonis reborn. They think women are dying to talk to them. They think they only have to take the 1^st step. While it is true that men have to take the 1^st step, but then you have to see where the step lies.

What I mean to say is that Girls don’t welcome strangers on the 1^st step even if they are handsome, rich or cute. While the before mentioned traits may be helpful, they don’t exactly gurantee a warm welcome by women.

You need to have a very plausible reason to be making a women’s acquaintance. It may be a common reference, some professional issue, some school –college link. There has to be something. A complete stranger is a bad no-no!

7. Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks

One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.

And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.

But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks. There are personality traits as well.

In the end, I wont say what you should do, but I will just say Don’t do the things I have just mentioned. If they help you, please let me know.

Lost in Translation - Dogri

In the foothills of the Himalayas, there is a town called Jammu in the state of Jammu & Kashmir, which I am proud to call home. There is a lot of difference between the Jammu region & the Kashmir region in areas of topography, language, politics, main occupation. However, as you start travelling down, the difference between the areas becomes fuzzier to our fellow countrymen. There is a common perception that Jammu & Kashmir are more like twin cities or they have the same behavioral patterns as per language, society, weather, aspirations. Well, nothing can be farther from the truth. Ethnically, Jammu is largely Dogra. Dogri is considered to be the main language of the Jammu region. (More info on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jammu)

Wait... You must be asking "Dogri" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogri). Which language is that? Isn’t it supposed to be the same as Punjabi?” Well, I do confess it is phonetically similar to Punjabi. But it has some nuances of its own. Every language has some words / idioms which are inherently its own. These linguistic pieces are literally untranslatable, for e.g. duende in Spanish & maktub in Arabic. Dogri also boasts of some unique words, which you may not have heard of or there might not be any equivalent in any other language.

Using some of these ‘untranslatable’ words in some of the other parts of the country, I have been unable to educate my compatriots about the actual meaning of the words. AND the correct way of pronunciation. There is a way of pronouncing even Hindi words in Dogri / Punjabi accent which make the word seem alien and sometimes phunny (Spelling mistake intended). Like 'security' is pronounced “Sekorti", 'computer' is pronounced “koumpootr”, ‘announcement’ is “lousemint”. Coming back to the ethnic phrases / words part, I am listing my top 10 ones, along with my interpretation on the supposed meaning, pronunciation and application of the words.

 

1. Khajal (kh {as in kheer}, ajal {as in kajal})

The art of not doing anything in particular, wandering aimlessly or as in 'khajal karna' - making some one roam around endlessly in some vain quest. Some people have spent their whole lives being Khajal. Some words in addendum are Khajalpanti, khajalpann. If you hear this word anywhere, rest assured that person has been khajal once in his / her life.

Used as in - "I am just being Khajal". " Tune mujhe khajal kiyaa hai (You have made me khajal)".

 

2. Banda hai yaa nai hai

The literal translation comes out to be like “Are you a person or a barber (nai)?". The supposition here is that barbers are not considered as par with other people. (No offense intended). Usage situation - When someone does some work in a wrong manner or does something silly, you berate him by using this conjecture.

 

3. Baayngad (Bay-un-gad)

A little crazy guy (not deranged) with a penchant for pranks or a person who will do things his own way often contrary to logic & reasoning.

Usage - " Munna baeyngadd hai, he went at 1 am at night to the railway station to drink chai there"!

 

4. Khadpaench - ( Kh {as in khymer} - ad - Paench {as ‘pench’ in penchant} ).

A person who is at the forefront of everything, who takes responsibility of doing things, even when he has no knowledge about it. Used mainly in a derogatory way. Usage - " Badaa khadpaench bandya hai ( He was trying to be a big khadpaench)".

 

5. Turry ( Taree rhyming with curry { with a soft T} )

Tall tales or unbelievable stories / incidents.

Usage – Basically used as a noun. E.g. - Turry dolnaa.

 

6. Nagg (Like ‘nug’ in ‘nugget’)

In Dogri slang, Nagg is used to refer to a person who is good for nothing .The basic meaning of Nagg is ‘still item’. It is believed in Dogri culture that still items are good for nothing, hence the analogy between the items and the person. A combination of Nagg and khadpaench is a person who thinks he knows everything but can do nothing.

Usage – Used primarily as an adjective. You can use it in friendly banter “Tu toh Nagg hi hai maaye”.

 

7. Badd pandey  (Bud -{as in Budweiser} Pandey)

The Dogri version of ‘Go to hell’ or ‘Shit!!!’ Used mainly in situations when something goes extremely wrong and you want to relieve the pent up frustrations. The second part of the phrase has to be said with force and feeling

Usage – There is also a more explicit version of the phrase. In that you substitute Pandey with a more offensive term.

  

8. Nash (Nash like the cricketer Dion Nash)

Nash is basically ill-luck. Nashi can be used to describe a cursed fellow who brings Nash to all his mates.

Usage - The best part of this word is that it can become a Noun (Nash), verb (Nash Lagaana), Adjective (Nashi).

 

 9. Dael (Da -{as in Dad} Al {as in Al Gore})

Dael is style or panache or fame or recognition. And everything that goes with them. When a person has Dael, he is envied for those traits. Having Dael is like becoming an idol.

Usage – When someone does or has something extraordinary, like having a beautiful girlfriend, you say “Yaar, Dael hai teri!”

 

10. Chol (Ch {as in Chinese} -ol)

Well, Chol is an ambiguous word. In one sense, Chol refers to rice in Dogri. However in the current context, Chol means humiliation. When someone commits a social slip-up, or when you embarrass someone, a Chol is supposed to have taken place.

Usage – Suppose a guy claims he can drink 5 bottles of beer. But when he tries, he quits after 2 bottles. In that case, you can say that a Chol has taken place.

 

My request to Non-Dogri knowing people: Please try incorporating these words in some situations and tell me the result at dhruvsuri1@gmail.com OR you can simply comment here at the end of this blog.

For Duggars - Migi dogri nai aandi magar main puri koshish kiti hai. Agar koi galti hoi hai taan dasso.

Thanks to Rajnesh (alias ‘The Chacha’), Pursharth (alias ‘Pascoe’), Shilpa (alias ‘Ma~am’) & Indu (alias ‘JTO’) for the help in collecting the words.

Lastly, I am grateful to all my friends who I was Khajal with. We used to act Baayngad together. Lots of Tarees used to be told. There were some Nagg’s too who were Nashi as well, but we said ‘Badd Pandey’ to them. They would get Chol-ofied. Our Dael would be maintained. 

Memory Remains

Why is that we forget some things easily and some things remain with us for a lifetime? Why do some words, incidents or people provoke some certain memories? No, I am not going to be a psychologist and answer these questions. But the fact remains that memories are inherent to all human beings. There is a portion in the brain called the Cerebellum which is responsible for storing the memories. It is believed that an electric stimulus to this region will stimulate an old memory which you may have forgotten. However, we may not need something as drastic as that! Some memories remain with us forever whether we like them or not!

Like the word ‘Beautiful’ for me. Quick, what does this word remind you of? Some old flame? An actor/actress? An amazing scenery or place? A stunning piece of art? While most of you on hearing or reading this word may get an image of a beautiful girl or a handsome guy, I on the other hand remember a spelling bee contest in my 2nd standard.

There were 30 words to be spelt and the teacher would recite them one by one and we had to write our version of their spellings them down. After some tricky ones like ‘parachute’, ‘editorial’, ‘encouragement’, the word ‘Beautiful’ came. I wrote it as “Beatiful” without the U. After the test, I came out with a sense of accomplishment and triumph. On discussion with my tiny tot pals, I realized that my version of the word was incorrect. I still maintained my defense that the U is not there in beautiful. However, the English teacher being the final adjudicator, confirmed my fear. I have never forgotten the spelling of beautiful after that. I lost the contest by the way, by 1 word: BEAUTIFUL. It is funny how this word and the contest has got stuck in my memory. For me, Beautiful will always remain the fish that got away and not some petite girl. For them, I prefer the word Gorgeous, Stunning and other synonyms of The B word.

But why do I still remember it? Was the sense of failure too strong? I guess not. My best friend ( a doctor by the way)has this explanation:
When strong emotions surge through us our bodies respond by pumping adrenalin into our blood stream. In addition to preparing us to run or fight, adrenalin enhances our memories of what was happening when the emotion hit. This biological response was probably a very good feature of our species. Stories create emotions too and therefore there's no surprise that we remember the best stories, they ones that touch our hearts, make us laugh or even just create a feeling of puzzlement.
Maybe, But I am not convinced. There has to be something more philosophical, something more random behind it. If adrenalin is the reason, why do I remember the time in Goa when we did nothing but laze around on the beach? Was it the break in the monotony from office then?

Or maybe it is the thing with us Indians. We tend to narrow down and focus on our supposed lack of achievements (I'm refraining from using the word 'failure'). I have seen & heard people recount their tales of rejection with pride. I am not counting the traumatic experiences people have, but normal affairs with a tinge of sadness or a sense of failure. Indians tend to give air to their problems so as to (unknowingly) extract some measure of pity and sympathy from their compatriots.

Anyhows, memories are a great thing. They serve as a reminder to our lives, accomplishments, holidays, friends, events. But the are not the only thing; like in the movie Ghajini, the character of Aamir Khan in the movie suffers from long term memory loss and can only remember the last 10 minutes of his life. Wish my boss suffers from that!

Our short term memory is definitely better than our long term one. That is why, you may not remember this whole post but you will indeed remember the story of Dhruv & the spelling contest.

Beautiful?

ps- There is also a song "Memory Remains" by Metallica. Recommended.