Memory Remains

Why is that we forget some things easily and some things remain with us for a lifetime? Why do some words, incidents or people provoke some certain memories? No, I am not going to be a psychologist and answer these questions. But the fact remains that memories are inherent to all human beings. There is a portion in the brain called the Cerebellum which is responsible for storing the memories. It is believed that an electric stimulus to this region will stimulate an old memory which you may have forgotten. However, we may not need something as drastic as that! Some memories remain with us forever whether we like them or not!

Like the word ‘Beautiful’ for me. Quick, what does this word remind you of? Some old flame? An actor/actress? An amazing scenery or place? A stunning piece of art? While most of you on hearing or reading this word may get an image of a beautiful girl or a handsome guy, I on the other hand remember a spelling bee contest in my 2nd standard.

There were 30 words to be spelt and the teacher would recite them one by one and we had to write our version of their spellings them down. After some tricky ones like ‘parachute’, ‘editorial’, ‘encouragement’, the word ‘Beautiful’ came. I wrote it as “Beatiful” without the U. After the test, I came out with a sense of accomplishment and triumph. On discussion with my tiny tot pals, I realized that my version of the word was incorrect. I still maintained my defense that the U is not there in beautiful. However, the English teacher being the final adjudicator, confirmed my fear. I have never forgotten the spelling of beautiful after that. I lost the contest by the way, by 1 word: BEAUTIFUL. It is funny how this word and the contest has got stuck in my memory. For me, Beautiful will always remain the fish that got away and not some petite girl. For them, I prefer the word Gorgeous, Stunning and other synonyms of The B word.

But why do I still remember it? Was the sense of failure too strong? I guess not. My best friend ( a doctor by the way)has this explanation:
When strong emotions surge through us our bodies respond by pumping adrenalin into our blood stream. In addition to preparing us to run or fight, adrenalin enhances our memories of what was happening when the emotion hit. This biological response was probably a very good feature of our species. Stories create emotions too and therefore there's no surprise that we remember the best stories, they ones that touch our hearts, make us laugh or even just create a feeling of puzzlement.
Maybe, But I am not convinced. There has to be something more philosophical, something more random behind it. If adrenalin is the reason, why do I remember the time in Goa when we did nothing but laze around on the beach? Was it the break in the monotony from office then?

Or maybe it is the thing with us Indians. We tend to narrow down and focus on our supposed lack of achievements (I'm refraining from using the word 'failure'). I have seen & heard people recount their tales of rejection with pride. I am not counting the traumatic experiences people have, but normal affairs with a tinge of sadness or a sense of failure. Indians tend to give air to their problems so as to (unknowingly) extract some measure of pity and sympathy from their compatriots.

Anyhows, memories are a great thing. They serve as a reminder to our lives, accomplishments, holidays, friends, events. But the are not the only thing; like in the movie Ghajini, the character of Aamir Khan in the movie suffers from long term memory loss and can only remember the last 10 minutes of his life. Wish my boss suffers from that!

Our short term memory is definitely better than our long term one. That is why, you may not remember this whole post but you will indeed remember the story of Dhruv & the spelling contest.

Beautiful?

ps- There is also a song "Memory Remains" by Metallica. Recommended.

Publish this!

Due to my friends' persistent encouragement to me to write a book, I find myself with lots of blank pages and nothing to fill them in! Still, I started the book about 1 week back and I just cant stop writing now. I am already now on version 1.3 and the novels supposed length has gone from 5 chapters to 12 chapters.
The plot is still not finalised. I have a point 'A' and a point 'B' but I dont know how to link the two. Still, the fight is on. The deadline I have set for myself to complete the book is by March 2009.
Given the tight rush for the deadline, It would be encouraging if you send some ideas/ anecdotes / tips for me to work and incorporate in the book. All suggestions will be mentioned in the final draft of the book.
Due recognizance to Nitin Bhaiya, Pascoe Bhaiya, Shilpa, Priya, Pritika, Sammy, Kernel, Bhatti, Nimma, My family especially my mom for giving me the impetus and the necesary input to actually start the book. (we will focus on the finish later). Not to mention my favourite Papu Mamu....
Do leave your email address so I can send you the V 1.2 of the book....
Thanks.
Dhruv Suri
Jammu / Hyderabad

You Are Essentially Alone

I remember seeing the movie “You are alone” last year. It was a chronicle of 2 people who are bored to hell and meet in Hotel Duncan. Though the movie was based on the ensuing boredom as a consequence of loneliness, however the portraits of the character were very satisfactorily captured. If you have not seen the film, don’t worry, this piece is not about the movie.
The film actually strikes a chord with everyone. It captures the rudimentary apprehension in everyone’s life: TO BE ALONE. There are some souls who advocate loneliness and seem to delight in it. As the saying goes “You are born alone, you live alone, and you die alone. If you accept this as reality, then any friendship, any relationship that contributes to your life you are grateful for. You accept it as a gift."
The question remains. What would ensue if you would find yourself alone? As alone as a dinosaur in the 20th century. No one to talk to, no one to enjoy your time with. Sometimes it happens in life and to no one’s surprise; it coincides with one of the worst phases in our life. We human beings having dwelled in the social setup for so long have forgotten all about loneliness. We tend to run away from it. We tend to ignore it. But the truth is there. Loneliness exists. It manifests itself in the bored housewife (Desperate housewives??), the worked to death executive, the divorcee etc.
Why do we experience loneliness? No other question has occupied me so consistently and no other question has led me to more diverse answers. When I was a child we lived an isolated life. But there were times, which I remember with particular fondness, when being alone was not a problem. I wandered on my own, fascinated by the variety of trees, the different feelings they evoked as I touched the bark and branches, the thorns or flowers. Absorbed in a world of constant wonder, I wasn't alone.
But life wasn't idyllic all the time. When I returned home and re-entered into family relationships, the feeling of loneliness returned. Psychologists may say I wasn't socialised properly. This may be true, but it is not a sufficient explanation. I enjoyed playing with my brother (that is, when we were not fighting). I loved the company of friends, but preferably not more than two or three at a time. But somehow those were times of escape. My closest friend was loneliness. My deepest feeling was that of not belonging. I took refuge in books, TV and other sources of entertainment.
The real problem of loneliness comes from the concept of ‘I’. I as in me, I as in the self, I as in the individual. We tend to look too much inside us that we tend to forget or rather neglect what is going on the outside. Thus, you can have a landline phone, an office phone, a mobile number yet have no one to share your loneliness. This indeed is the irony of the information age. Ayn Rand captured the fight of the self v/s the will of the society very nicely in her short book “Anthem”.
The compelling thought behind this piece was an oft repeated dialogue by an acquaintance, “Yaar main bore ho gaya hu (Dude, I am bored)”. The intensity by which we get bored is amazing. It is quite rightly said “Idle mind is devil’s workshop”.

Testimonials For Orkut???

A retail chain does a fantastic marketing pitch in TV, Radio, Magazines, Internet etc. Amazing marketing. You are thrilled at the product and you want to buy it or know about it further. And so you go to the shop and….and…and…..THEY DONT LET YOU IN. Why? Because they don’t know you. Actually there is nothing up for sale there. Why were they advertising then? Oh! Just like that. They wanted other people to know how great they were. Do you think the above situation is hypothetical and does not happen in the real world? Welcome to orkut.

I have been spending a lot of time in orkut (also called orkutting). Maybe it’s the enthusiasm of a new found toy or maybe orkut is really addictive. One of the things that keeps me entertained on orkut (apart from drooling at girl's photographs) is the whole testimonial thingy. If you don't know what a testimonial is - let me explain. If a person has a profile in orkut - a friend of that person writes a testimonial about the profile owner. To completely define Testimonial:-

A statement in support of a particular truth, fact, or claim.

A written affirmation of another's character or worth; a personal recommendation. Something given in appreciation of a person's service or achievement; a tribute.

Tribute? Appreciation? Truth? Consider these:

“She is such an amzing girl, everybody wants to be her friend. She is so caring, helpful, adjective 3, adjective 4…..Then ofcourse there are guys slipping in a semi-droolish "she is so beautiful" under the guise of being cool and frank but secretly hoping the girl noticed their tactful flirt.

Some species send forward jokes or articles as testimonials… Psychos all of them….

Then there are some species who write testimonials in some weird shapes. I have seen testimonials in the shapes of hearts, lighthouses, dancing girls…and hold on…A cricket Bat.. I mean what the hell….On second thoughts. Im also partly to blame here too because I too had been bitten by this bug once.

On searching I found out that there is actually a community (group for the Un-Orkut ones) which gives out free testimonials to their members…Don’t believe me? Take a look:

http://www.orkut.com/Community.aspx?cmm=114370

God bless them all!

But undoubtedly the 2 worst (or best) testimonials I have come across are these:

1. lagta hai mausam kafi sard hai,
   Par doston ko scrap karne me kya harz hai,
   Aap ko scrap behjna hamara farz hai,
   kyonki aap ke id hamare pc mai darz hai.
   Yeh scrab type karte-karte hamare unglion me dard hai
   Itna jaan lo ae dost hamara ye scrap app par karz hai
   Is karz ko kitne scrap kar ke chukana hai,
   Yeh sochana ab aapka farz hai......
2. XYZ….Name saays it aal. She liking ballons very much (???) We being frainds for long time. She a sweetheaert. Thank You. (Spelling mistakes are not mine)

This one is the best… Thank You??? Hahaha…..

One more thing I have noticed is that most of these ‘creative’ testimonial writers on Orkut are generally male of the age group (16-24). I mean God had a wicked sense of humor when he created such a sex starved species such as the male homosapien. Most men enter orkut, browsing through profiles, internet, thinking " I need a girl, will she work". I don’t mean to condescend (well! I do but that’s a separate topic) but in all honesty, I sympathize with my fellow male species. There is this overwhelming desire to get the ‘girl’ but they have to make the 'fraanship' first. So you see all these guys leaving messages "will you make friends with me" -- "can I be your friend" or even better “I saw your profile, So I just dropped in to say Hi with a hope that you will respond to this message”. So what the internet has done is bring out the male stupidity into the public domain. In my school days (Ahhh…Nostalgia) we had guys hand out greeting cards (with a passionate face), love letters (no email in my school days, no chat, no mobile - can you believe it?). The only messenger in my days was another friend who communicated 'love' and 'feelings' to this girl. The girl tore up these cards or bashed up the messenger. However, it was all well concealed and happened in private. The boy rarely suffered public humiliation.

Here on Orkut, On one hand all girls are in a centralized place and there is opportunity to flirt. But on the other hand its ripe and presents enormous scope for public humiliation. But the male of the species still bite it. They have an open profile with testimonials, brothers, sisters etc and they still leave 'fraanship' messages in unknown profiles. I have laughed so loud at certain guys begging, pleading and imploring for 'fraanship' in orkut. And I don’t blame them. We are just made that way!!!

There are some laws about testimonial writing. They are:

Teal’s universal law of testimonials:

“The number of lines in one’s testimonial is inversely proportional to the level of knowing the person who is writing the damn thing for them”
Hell I can tell you guys. My best friend has written one of the shortest testimonials, ever.
Not because they don’t care for you, it’s just that they know sooo much about you, cramming years of knowledge in a small amount of space is very hard.

Teal’s secret hidden corollary of testimonials:

The sweetest and the best testimonials are inversely proportional to the level of your expectation – i.e. the best testimonials are those that come out of the blue

Teal’s 1st corollary to the universal law of testimonials:

“The level of sweetness in the testimonial towards the person is again inversely proportional to the level of the writer closeness of that individual.”
Lol. Need I say more?

For more knowledge about these laws, please visit

http://trinityteal.blogspot.com/2006/06/art-of-testimonial-writing.html

The laws are not mine… I aint a lawmaker… yet!!!!

Why me???

I fell for a girl the other day.

Just wipe that smirk off your face (If you are grinning, then its even worse), this ain't a thing to be happy about. Especially in principle. Over the years, embittered by ridiculous relationships and watching close friends/acquaintances (will write their experiences) undergo unimaginably messy and complex break-ups, or worse still, 'adjust' to painful after effects -- I have willfully and cleverly chosen the single life, the carefree gait of a string-free, singularly well-dressed butterfly and the eye of the tiger ( like a survivor). That being the mantra, life's all about toppling off the wagon.

Which brings us to line one in this piece, the confession that I was recently (Ahem!) smitten. There, I said it. I met a fascinating, petite thing a few days ago in the middle of my exams, and just couldn't get enough. We talked for a little while that day, exchanged phone numbers, promised to be in touch….. On the way back home, I realized I could not stop thinking about her. I gave a call immediately I reached home & called her and started the conversation with the lame excuse “I wanted to check if your cell was working”. Oops! Anyhow, the way she laughed made it up for it. One conversation led to another and I was down and out in the mystical region of Ahem….LoVe! Anyway, the chick (with a nose to kill for, I kid you not) is tremendous fun. And halfway through past five on date two, the dastardly suggestion slithers onto my unsuspecting head that I might actually want a serious and long lasting relationship with her, this time around.

Hmm.

Damn these hormones, pheromones etc… I didn't instantly coil into a front-foot defense. She rocks, and this could just work. Yeppy! On hindsight, I remember the pessimistic portion of my brain screaming “Dhruv, Back out, Back out…Until its too late”. But being the chivalrous and brave gentleman I am, I went ahead! The man-woman thing is all about balance. With the precision of a racing driver, you have to instinctively find the perfect line and then play with its limits. Go aggressive, fall behind, keep things loose or tight as needed. Some girls want a knight, some a night. You have to play your cards with 007ian self-assurance, leaping from cad to cardinal in a heartbeat. Therein lies, young reader, the thrill of the chase.

This was the issue with other prospects as I thought…. But the issue with being in love, of course, is that you trip headlong over your own shoelaces.
Suddenly, I cared -- about everything. Scanning text messages for subtext & hidden meanings, wondering what she meant when she replied too quick, or too late, and then trying hard to decipher all the conversations -- why she mentions her love for the songs of Kishore Kumar(yuk!!!), gauging her level of laughter at what you consider a particularly witty routine, and whether she really wants the new.
When in a fix, your logical abilities go for a toss. I was desperately seeking counsel from my closest lady friends (never, ever, take a man's advice when it comes to relationships) who all seemed to react in the same fashion. They sat back with a smug smile, laughed their heads off and told me, with their best the-hunter-becomes-the-game phrase, that the tables had turned.

Damn.

Double Damn!

That I had it bad, though, wasn't the worst part. The absolute pits was the realisation that while I knew I was just setting myself up, I was, um, enjoying myself. AS I SAID I DON’T KNOW IF I AM IN LOVE…. BUT THEN LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Tales of rejection

No one wants to be rejected when it comes to love.
It's painful, humiliating and can hurt your self-esteem.
But it's a cruel world, and most of us will face rejection before it's all said and done. The important point is not whether or not you get rejected, it's how you respond.
Will you bounce back and flourish? Or will you flounder and fall to pieces?

These are the tales of my friends (as told by them)... Don’t laugh. This is the true face of love…..for them….Names are being kept anonymous for privacy…..

Case 1:
AG has the following story:
I really regret my reaction to being rejected..
This girl who was with me for four years, all of a sudden declares that she has no more feelings for me. When I pressed her for a reason, she said that she was seeing another guy. I trusted her more than myself. We had the perfect life ahead of us and she shattered it. I did not react normally. Instead, I tried to hurt her. I ruined her reputation by doing little things, for the simple reason that I couldn't tolerate somebody cheating on me. I had trusted her for so many years and she made me so ashamed and let down.
Today, one year later, it seems that I acted very inappropriately. I should not have hurt her, even if she had crushed me. Deep in my heart, I still love her and want to her to be happy. Still, I fear that I will never love anybody as much as I loved her. I am jaded and jealous. I'm left to think only one thing -- that true love only happens once. I don’t think Love occurs, You can only love yourself!

Case 2:
H (a friend of my elder cousin) has the story:
This one was not told by H himself but by my elder cousin in an attempt to keep me away from the disease of love.
I was in love with this girl for over five years. She proposed to me and made me the focus of her life. After we decided to get married, I was the happiest man in the world. But then, just before our marriage, things started to sour. She started giving me lame excuses and asked to have the wedding date postponed. I offered her every possible material possession and every possible expression of love. I even gave up a dream job in London because she didn't want to leave our hometown.
Still, after all these concessions, she finally broke off the marriage and is now engaged to a mutual friend. Since the day her mother told me, for she didn't have the courage, I have been in pain. I often stare at the ceiling and wonder if my life has any worth. Even if I move on in my career and family life, my love life will never be the same. My heart is forever broken and I will never trust another individual again.

Case 3:
M (one of my dearest friends) is in love with a certain female. They live in different cities and their communication is through various electronic means of modulation and demodulation. Long telephone calls, frequent net access etc, the works in short. It seemed to me that those two must have a great relationship together. So I thought. They have 1 major fight in a fortnight and the minor ones are like happening every other day. I don’t whether they are the undesirable by products of the seemingly fallible system of love. But they should know better than us! The point here is that the feeling after the fight which M gives is like he would prefer to die/kill than live this life. Sometimes he finds refuge in company or sometimes in alcohol (Sometimes both)….
What’s the use of being in love when you sometimes have to regret being in love? What’s the seemingly best feeling in the world do to you that you start feeling miserable about yourself?

Case 4:
I don’t need any more cases. The world is abundant of seemingly endless similar cases.
So do you want to be in love????

But the feeling is amazing..Who can resist it?

Definition of love

Some one once asked me how do you define love? It was ideal Sunday, afternoon sun & we were just having some idyllic conversation. I dismissed his question with the remark "who does???But then, later I thought about and tried my hand at the question which even the great philosophers have tried!I'm in esteemed company!!!!

According to the Oxford definition, there are 7 definitions, the 2 most pertinent ones are: -

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

Here is my definition:
Love is a basic dimension of human experience that is variously conveyed as a sense of tender affection, an intense attraction, the foundation of intimacy and good interpersonal chemistry, willing self-sacrifice on behalf of another, and as an ineffable sense of affinity or connection to nature, other living beings, or even that which is unseen. It manifests itself in feelings, emotion, behavior, thoughts, perception and attitude. It influences, underlies and defines major patterns in interpersonal relationships and self-identification.

But how do we know if its there? I mean the fundamental issue remains the same. How can we know if its there in your body? Well, sorry to disappoint you all. But you can never know for certain. Because there is no One general answer that can satisfy this persistent query...
Lets not consider the sentimental reasons like being unable to live without the other person and thinking about him/her. As these are mainly unsatisfied emotional needs....
I would just say what You know you are in love when you are in love. It may sound self-contradictory. But its the closest to the answer you can get. Love is all about setting yourself free from all of the barriers, obstructions and stigmas. In the end, you should not regret falling in love. No matter what happens, you should be able to look back and say "THOSE WERE THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE"!

Statutory Caution : Love is a quintessential human delusion simultaneously the source of our greatest strength and our biggest weakness. For the pessismistics, Love is a direct result of chemical reactions and hormones which lead to the onset of emotions, which lead love to be designed overwhelmingly to defy logic and reason. Its complex. And I have barely scratched the surface here…

Phew………………..