Social? Hardly!

We call it social media, but are we blanking out the very essence of social norms and etiquettes while using it? Our pervasive usage of social networking applications, be it whatsapp, facebook, twitter or foursquare has led to a situation wherein we are in ‘virtual’ touch with our friends, family, acquaintances and community. However, that touch is bereft of the human element. And sometimes, that touch is the most important.

Last week, my friend had a bad cold. She put it up on facebook proclaiming her illness. The post attracted fair amount of attention from the usual crowd of male admirers and words of advice. Later, she claimed that no one actually came to pay her a visit and the only person who helped her the most at that time was her maid!

IMHO social media biggest application is communication when distances are an issue. People are increasingly using it as a substitute for human emotions and memories. People click photographs at a party or an outing not for memories but to post them to facebook. People gauge their popularity by the number of likes they get for a facebook post or the number of retweets/ followers.

Is that wrong? Maybe not. People increasingly have two personalities – One is the virtual personality and the other is the real world personality. The problem will come when the two will clash. The most dramatic change is to circumvent difficult portions of real world interactions by simply retreating into the virtual world. This is seen often at social gatherings wherein people retreat into the virtual world if they are not interested in the ongoing conversations or activities.

As I said earlier, Social media is a great tool to ‘enhance’ old friendships. However, there is a new trend to ‘friend’ people whom we don’t know or know through somebody. This can be attributed to social protocol but there is still no accepted protocol on how to treat these new ‘friends’. An acquaintance of mine refers to them as her ‘fans’. These new found friends possibly offer an outlet to have offhand conversations without the demanding nature of friendship.

It is difficult to sustain this barrage of electronic media as a substitute for real world interactions. In fact, internet addiction is now treated as a clinical disorder (http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/cpb.1998.1.237).

What is needed is balance between the virtual and real world. As Lara Croft says in Tomb Raider – “Nature is about balance. All the world comes in pairs”.

This balance is precarious and needs constant leveraging to bring it to the moment of equilibrium. Virtual world may lead you to a delusional state of mind and behavior wherein you can find real world too ‘real’ to handle.

So go out there and smell the air. And when you come back, do post about this blog!

Music and Freedom

Music and freedom have always gone hand in hand. Freedom from persecution, freedom from annihilation, freedom from segregation all have had music as one of their ancillary weapons. Music has a unique quality of stirring the very basic and essential of human needs – Freedom. Most of the songs of the bygone era were more about freedom from oppression, a kind of a rebellious ode to the society that enslaved its citizens. Only recently, music has progressed to the mind’s trapping of the freedom. In this author’s humble opinion, the hippie era was instrumental in liberating the slavery of the mind by its conscious mind and enabling it to be free. Free as the mind can be.  Hippies lived music and in some places sought it as a replacement for drugs / alcohol.

An inspired quote says Mind can be free only as far as it can fly. This suggests that the mind is capable of flying and testing new boundaries to itself. Music is one of the wings on which it can undertake this journey. Some people undertake this journey farther than others. The only reward of going far is the reward for oneself. The mind rises up and there is an inherent self-satisfaction which is felt by the mind.

Most people ‘listen’ to music, but very recently do they FEEL it. This feel of music comes very rarely, and may I add, is slightly less rare when the recipient is under the influence of alcohol or other euphoria inducing substances.  But these substances are not a pre-requisite for feeling music. In fact, we routinely see women getting all psychotic and becoming ‘spirit’ driven souls when engrossed in a religion discourse which involves music. Case in point being the various musical discourses / festivals throughout India. You must have seen the various swaying women (and men) in their religious fervor and gaiety.

This relationship between music and the liberation of mind is a very poorly understood one. One can ask any number of respondents for the answer and scarcely he / she shall receive the same reply.  It is a good thing that its not understood, otherwise it would have been documented and processed. Then, the whole power of music would have been lost.

‘It has to set you free’ – Jim Morrison in the song ‘The End’. Thanks to all the musicians who have enabled the lesser souls to undertake the journey towards liberation.  Maybe that’s the theme to the song by Ac/ Dc – ‘For those about to rock, we salute you’

Freedom - 1

The call which came to me one fine evening, when I was in one of my customary euphoric sessions,

The caller - ‘Are you free?’ – Is any one free? Anytime? Bulla ki jaana main kaun.’

The euphoria is a lingering feeling though it may be short lived. The external cacophony of sounds seem like a far off sound, the kind of hallucinations which come to the thirst wanderer in a lost desert. The euphoria is a mixed feeling of being in control but also being free. Paradoxically you are forced to still comply with the social norms. This is the very essence of being in euphoria. Self servitude is the highest form of deity.

How to forgo this societal binding? How do we encounter the truth? It’s an acerbic feeling to know, realise and understand the lack of truth in our life. Truth is omnipotent. The truth is evident, but cloaked. Cloaked under multitudes of rituals, false impressions, and a general idea of ‘How to live life’?

To truly discover your potential and raw power, then shed off these masks and disobey the existing norms. Be free from any binds. That is when A man is totally free!

Who is the aam aadmi?

After seeing the drama unfolding around the rail budget, the query that is coming to my mind is the identity of the 'aam aadmi'? Who is this aam aadmi? How do we define him? Which section of the social strata does he belong to? Or is the aam aadmi a he or a she? How does he travel? What does he treat? (Aam aadmi = common man)

Is an aam aadmi in Kolkatta equal to the aam aadmi in Mumbai? Is an aam aadmi in a small town in Bihar the same as an aam aadmi in Manipur?

Is there aam aadmi in the naxal hit territories? Do they exist there?

The answer is - There is no aam aadmi in India, but we ourselves. Paradox? Let me explain. We see ourselves as the aam aadmi. Everyone you meet will pretend to be concerned about the aam aadmi, however deep down we feel we 'ARE' the aam aadmi.

You go to the vegetable market to buy vegetables, you see the prices have gone up. You say "How will the aam aadmi survive?" You go to shoppers stop and see a way too expensive watch, then you dont say the same thing. Therein lies the difference. We are all aam aadmi when it comes to necessities, not when it comes to luxuries.

There is no stereotypical aam aadmi. This concept of the common man has been fed to us by economists, political activists and administration. This concept leads to bracketing of the population, which essentially controls the popular mood by directing the ire from their decisions or opinions to the aam aadmi.

Sample, -'Oh you are not ok with the road block, but the considering the aam aadmi's interests we have dug up the road.".

'The rail way hike is rolled back due to the aam aadmi's interests'.

Crap, total crap I say. We should reject this notion of the aam aadmi and say that classify us according to the social / economic / political strata.

Ps - The only common man / aam aadmi I know is the central figure in the cartoon by RK Laxman.

3 idiots

Encountered this at bandra station. Though the photo does not do them justice, but they were oblivious to the hustle and bustle all around. The so called 'dogs life' is better than the rat race at least!

Parasites

All the encroachments near Kurla station remind me of parasites feeding on the host. Eventually, at the point of no return the host's body gives up and dies and the parasites die or migrate. The parasites at Kurla station will soon have to suffer the same consequence. With huge traffic jams and brimming crowds, administration has already started to look out for alternatives. The alternatives include the metro link, the santacruz- chembur link road. But when will these proposed alternatives become reality is anybody's guess.

The encroachments also remind me of the paradox – "To save 1000 lives, can you take one?" In this context, can the administration decide to relocate the inhabitants (who will not give up without a fight), to accommodate the comfort of the majority? Or will the administration have enough guts to take on the dissenting majority? Who is right in this?

Ok. The traffic jam in Kurla is almost over. And so is this blog!

Kitna hua, boss??

I still love Cartoons

While on a day out with Aayush and Isha, we started a trivia quiz on cartoons / shows. Though Aayush was the clear winner of that particular tournament, I started to think about cartoons and their impact on our childhood. No matter what your nationality may be, or the culture you belong to, comic strips and the cartoon characters in them are one of the most universal forms of humor. These little bits of visual humor are mirrors of our daily lives. They give us life's lessons, urging us to think about the foibles of humanity, to laugh at ourselves, and sometimes even to shed a tear or two. Not only do cartoons and the characters in them transcend nationality and cultural barriers, but they also cut across all age barriers, from the two year old toddler watching animated cartoons on the TV screen with rapt attention to the large numbers of adult viewers following the saga of The Simpsons in primetime shows.

Here are some of my favorite cartoon shows which I confess that I still see today:

Bugs Bunny: This slick, conniving, insulting, sarcastic, clever carrot-munching rabbit has to be one of the all-time favorite cartoon characters in the world. Who does not know that distinctive Bugs Bunny line: "What's up, Doc?"

Tweety & Sylvester: These are another inimitable pair of cartoon characters. This is another comical case of the villainous cat chasing the cute little canary, with Tweety always ending up safe at 'Home Tweet Home', escaping the wicked 'puddy tat's' claws. My favorite part - that adorable Tweety line: "I tawt I taw a puddy tat… I did! I did!"

Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble: This is another great cartoon duo. Remember this cartoon's signature song - "Flintstones... Meet the Flintstones, They're a modern stoneage family. From the town of Bedrock, They're a page right out of history..." and Fred's catchphrase - "Yabba-Dabba-Doo?" The cartoon is an account of the daily lives of the stoneage couple Fred and Wilma Flintstone, and Barney and Betty Rubble, their best friends. All of them live in Bedrock, a prehistoric city, but have to deal with the problems of the modern-day life of the working class. Instead of a cat or a dog, they have a saber tooth tiger and a baby dinosaur as family pets. In 1962, Pebbles appears in the series as the daughter of the Flintstones, and in 1963 Bamm Bamm makes his appearance as the adopted son of the Rubbles.

Daffy Duck: True to his name, this black little duck was daffy indeed, with his hair-trigger temper, enormous ego and blind covetousness. Although Daffy was popular indeed, with the introduction of Bugs Bunny a year later, he always played second fiddle. But that secondary status was in itself a great source of laughs.

Swat Kats - T-Bone and Razor in their mean aircraft, out to fight the villains of Katdom. I remember there were villains like Darkcat, Professor Viper. My fac line was the commissioner's line - "The enforcers will handle this".

Captain Planet - Who doesnt remember the cartoons opening song - "Captain Planet, he's a hero, gonna take pollution down to zero". I remember this show because it introduced me to the idea of recycling. The 'raddiwala' was the captain planet for me! So with our powers combined?

There really are so many lovable cartoon characters: Mickey with his girl friend, Minnie, and a bunch of friends like Goofy, a highly popular cartoon character by himself, and Horace Horse Collar, and Pluto, the dog. The space-age Jetsons and their electronic gadgets like Rosie, the robot housemaid. Donald Duck and his girlfriend, Daisy Duck, along with his three nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie. Plus Scrooge and the Beagle Boys. Then there are Popeye, Felix The Cat, Tom & Jerry, Woody Woodpecker, Yogi Bear & Boo Boo… the list can go on and on

Ps - Questions from last night (Dont use Google)-
1. What was Popeye's adopted Baby's name?
2. What is the Powerpuff girls' father name?
3. Which was the 1st cartoon to have a Indian character?
4. What was name of the air specialist in the centurions?
5. What is the name of Richie Rich's butler name?
6. The only show in which Baby's where the stars?

10 things To remember the 2010 FIFA World Cup

After a month of football action, the 2010 World Cup is over. Sure, Spain won the cup, but there is more to the world cup than just winning it. What are your 10 things that even after 10 years, you will remember about this cup? I am listing mine –
1. OCTOPUS PAUL – The invertebrate had a 100% record in forecasting matches in this world cup. Had he been a human, there would have been cries of divinity. I googled for an average life expectancy of an octopus, and it seems he will be with us forecasting for a little more time yet. Paul predicted German wins over Australia, England and Argentina, and it all came true. It predicted a defeat to Serbia that came true too. I hope his talents lie in the cricketing domain too.
2. Germany 4 Argentina - GAMES of this magnitude can often be dull, sterile affairs, where two giants cancel each other out completely. The game between these two giants never had a chance of being that way. Six days after turfing England out of the World Cup with a magical display, Germany cast their spell on Argentina with a brilliant quarter-final performance. Argentina were buried thanks to a third-minute goal from Thomas Muller and two second-half efforts from Miroslav Klose either side of one from Arne Friedrich. Even Diego Maradona would had appreciated it had he not been in the opposite dug-out. Given all the trash-talking that was done by both sides, given Maradona's spat with Thomas Muller and given that these teams had a history between them, it was surely a spectacle.
3. French Revolution - IN 2010, we witness the modern day French Revolution. This time the French football team provided the ammunition against, well, the French football team. In-fighting. Wasn't that the bane of Dutch progression in tournaments for many years? Now that they aren't busy fighting with themselves, look where they ended up. France, on the other-hand, have been the most tedious and excruciating side to watch in this tournament. Much has been written about Nicolas Anelka's spat with Raymond Domenech. The stream of invectives that the Chelsea striker launched at his coach, resulted in his withdrawal from squad by the French Football Federation after he refused to apologise to Domenech. With Anelka's withdrawal, most French players refused to play under Domenech against South Africa. No less has been written about captain Patrice Evra leading the players' walk-out from training on June 20 in support of Anelka. With Evra dropped in retaliation, the rest of the squad showed little desire to excel and were it not for goalkeeper Hugo Lloris and several unlucky bounces, the margin of victory for South Africa would certainly have been enough to progress to the knock-out stages.
4. The Frank Lampard goal - FRANK Lampard's chip, which hit the crossbar before landing behind the goalkeeper over the line, was ruled out in one of several controversial decisions at the World Cup in South Africa. It reminded of the goal awarded to England against west Germany in the 1966 world cup. Fate, it seems, like luck, evens itself out.
5. MELO: FROM HERO TO VILLIAN - FELIPE Melo went from hero to villain in a matter of minutes as favourites Brazil were stunned 2-1 by Holland in the quarter-finals.The midfielder provided the exquisite through-ball for Robinho to score the game's opening goal in the first half as Brazil threatened to run riot. However, the game turned on its head when Melo scored an own goal in the second half, and was later sent off after losing his cool and stamping on the legs of Dutch midfielder Arjen Robben. The goal was later credited to Wesley Sneijder
6. Vuvezela – The annoying noise robbed the broadcast of any crowd jeering, booing or applause. If not for the commentary, it would have seemed like a swarm of angry bees. I found out today that the vuvuzelas are originally manufactured in China! And we thought it was African!!!
7. The hand of Cheater – There will always be one hand of God. And then there will be the hand of the cheater. Suarez robbed Ghana (and Africa) of a chance at history. It was only fitting that Uruguay were eliminated in the semi-final. As my mom says, cheaters never win!
8. Diego Forlan, Gourcuff, C Ronlado, Villa, Van Persie – Apart from their attacking skills, they are pretty attractive (according to all the ladies). Now that is not a thing to remember the world cup, but due to them, ladies took a pretty keen interest in the world cup.
9. Big names failing to fire – All the big names did not fire in this world cup. Too numerous to write here – Henry, Ronaldo, Robinho, Gerrard, Cannavaro etc. Ironically, the favorites won the world cup.
10. SHAKIRA WAKA WAKA – Going by the number of people having it as their caller tunes, it would seem that India is a football crazy country and not cricket crazy. There was the little item of Shakira getting sued for the song, but hey who gives a damn when she sways her body. She’s right, Hips don’t lie!!!
Wait, I forgot the Jabulani. But hey who wants to remember it anyway???

The Talisman

It had been a particularly hectic week in office. Work was piling up and there were deadlines to be met, mails to be sent and documents to be re-read. On top of that, I was getting a terrible headache. Even after downing a tablet of dispirin, there was no respite. At about 5pm when it became unbearable, I decided to call it quits and go home early for a change. My boss, being a very understanding fellow, acquiesced and I left for home.

The walk to station was filled with visions of work and thoughts of intricacies of the corporate culture. Once again, I thought “I was not born to do this!” I was plagued with self-doubt over my career plan, over my current position, my long term goals, my financial condition, in short everything and anything negative. The 10 minute walk elevated my pessimism and reduced my morale. Even the normally chirpy songs on my Ipod were of no effect. I soon switched them to Hemant Kumar & co.

The transformation was complete.

The train thankfully was empty (at least according to Bombay standards). The emptiness in the compartment seemed to reflect my inner emptiness. There were a lot of thoughts floating around in my fuzzy mind. The lack of ambition, some social faux pas, the emotional barrenness, the purposelessness of my existence were some of the threads in the mind. It wouldn’t need a psychologist to diagnose a bout of mild depression.

The non-depressed portion of my brain was sending out SOS by the dozen. Some mood alleviator hormone must have been triggered temporarily which suggested me to go and stand near the door. The rush of wind against your face is always a feel-good factor, I reasoned. Instead of the usual ‘Born to be wild’ (by Mars Bonfire) song which comes to my head when the wind rushes past your head, I could only hear the thoughts floating and hovering. They were pulling me back into the abyss of melancholy and misery. My eyes had a far away glazed look in them and nothing was in focus.

Suddenly a foul smell emanated and shook me from my stupor. What I saw or to be more precise, what I perceived was a whole populace living in between the train tracks. Though I had been passing through this area for the last 6 months, the scene had never registered with me. I could see children lying on the tracks, men ambling on, teenagers puffing on their beedis, women sitting and tying their daughter’s hair. Despite the sully environment, they looked at peace, if not content. What is their secret, I wondered?

Suddenly in a flash, I remembered the Gandhiji’s talisman. Some random synapse must have triggered the memory retrieval. The same talisman which used to be printed on the front page of our NCERT text books. The same talisman which we once read and never understood. The same talisman which was forgotten in the rush for marks, money and power. I remembered the talisman and a feeling of peace came over me. It was an awe-inspiring moment in the most unlikely of places. I felt at one with myself. The dragon of reservations and fears within myself were slain by the shining knight with his weapon of the talisman. I took a deep breath and mumbled a word of gratitude to Gandhiji. Though I may not subscribe to his political views, I had been turned into an instant fan of his spiritual outlook of life. I understood then that no matter what we do or what we become, there will always be some time when the self is in need of a crutch. That time, your spirit and your mind will come to the rescue.

Gandhiji’s talisman
"I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man [woman] whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him [her]. Will he [she] gain anything by it? Will it restore him [her] to a control over his [her] own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to swaraj [freedom] for the hungry and spiritually starving millions?Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away.

Games Indians Play

The book of the same title has the introduction: “A rare attempt to understand the Indianness of Indians – Why we are the way we are.” What makes this book different from other self-congratulatory books out there is that it is

a) AWritten dispassionately ( a good sign)

b) Uses economic theorems like prisoners dilemma and game theory to provide an insight.

Now most of us are not familiar with game theory and prisoner’s dilemma (Wikipedia has some excellent articles on it where it is explained in detail). However, the author V Raghunathan has very cleverly managed to explain in a non economist manner. While you do get a feeling that the problem in Indians was analysed effectively, the elusive solution could also have been attempted at.

The most potent was Chapter 6: Self- Regualtion, Fairness and Us. The chapter starts off with the famous poem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_they_came...) and then the various malaises affecting Indian society is listed. They vary from

1. Exploding population

2. Abject poverty

3. Pathetic basic education

4. Woeful primary health care

5. Scarcity of clean drinking water

6. Unhealthy pollution levels

7. Near absence of the justice delivery system

8. Runaway corruption

9. Creaky infrastructure

10. Criminalization of polity

Yet all of the people I have met say that “we are proud to be Indians”. This relationship is more like of a parent with an unruly child. The parent knows the child is unruly, however makes no effort to stop him and cannot love the child any less. The dilemma facing the parent is somewhat like us Indians face, though on a billionth level. At the risk of being branded ‘anti-national’, I would say that I am not proud of India. This was not the India promised by our forefathers and certainly does not look like becoming one in a hurry.

Another quote from the book comes to my mind – “Indians are privately intelligent and publicly dumb”. Correct. We will use our intelligence for our own individual gain but never use it for the society. We take pride in our country running ‘democratically’ despite using all our powers to subvert the essence of democracy and republican outlook. We take proud in our ‘morally superior culture’ yet all our leaders, who are supposed to be the face of the public, show our ‘superior’ culture to the maximum.

“India is a functioning anarchy’- Gabraith. I love India, but not this version. I love the idea of India, not this one. I love the way we Indians have a ‘jugaad’ for everything, but not when it is used to subvert the law. I love the idea of democracy, but not when it is “Bye the people (spelling Bye intended), Off the people, Far the people”. I love India, that’s why I feel this pain. What can I or you individually do? What????

Humara Bajaj

2 icons of Liberated India retired last year- the ubiquitous Bajaj Scooter and the peppy Maruti 800.

If you would have grown up during the 1970’s and the 1980’s, you would have seen a slew of advertisements with the tagline ‘Humara Bajaj’. It quickly became a stereotypical image: father on the wheel, mother on the pillion, younger child standing in front with head bobbing out, older sibling squeezed between mother and father, everybody with their arms around each other for balance and protection, epitomized the complete Indian family, “Hum do Hamare do.” (We two and our two)

It was idyllic. Needless to say, the ad tag line `Hamara Bajaj’ (Our Bajaj) translated into brisk sales. There was a wait period to own the scooter, courtesy the Licence Raj. My father often used to tell me that in the late 1960’s, a father used to book a scooter for his new born son and hoped to get the delivery by his son’s 15th Birthday.

People were not in such hurry back then either. In the typical family (again the ‘dum do, humaare do’ image) the father was strict, a follower of the ideals of Mahatma Gandhi or Jawaharlal Nehru, could have typically worked in a government department, or as a university professor or even a merchant; the mother, a housewife or a teacher, dedicated to the family spent hours in the kitchen, cleaning the house and going to Kitty Parties once a month.

The unified aim of the husband-wife duo was to ensure their children a good education to turn them into engineers (via cracking the joint entrance exam) or doctor (via the equally difficult MBBS entrance exam) or make it to the IAS, the top government job (via the even more difficult UPSC exam).

With such a focus on education, a fair amount of the hardworking and lucky ones did make it and many of them went to America, the land of opportunity, to become software czars, top cardiologists, reproducing kids in turn who today call themselves ABCD (American Born Confused Desi), driving big BMWs or Mercedes Benz and collecting bikes for passion that probably cost more than their grandfather’s whole lifetime income many times over.

Some of the kids called their parents over from India selling off the Bajaj scooters as junk, while others forgot about the elders, providing endless sob story themes for Hindi movies.

In the 70s Bajaj scooters symbolized middle class stability, although the engine placed on one side, made the machine unstable. And in the current situation of rashly driven powerful vehicles and 24-hour call center cabs, two-wheelers are very unsafe. But, it also reflects a different mindset, another India and a new era that fancies faster motor cycles and bigger and better cars.

Meanwhile, the Maruti 800 was launched in pre-liberalized India in the ’80s. The Maruti 800 was the pet-project of Sanjay Gandhi, though he did not live to see it materialize. The 80’s was the time when the License Raj prevailed to shackle any enterprise, when access to state authority or the ability to grease the wheels of the bureaucracy with money counted for everything — owning a telephone, a passport, a driver’s license or a gas connection and a house. The Babu (read lower government official) was King and the Sarkar (the Babu’s boss) was the Emperor.

The bulk of youth (everybody could not make it to IIT or IAS or MBBS) aspired to be part of this hierarchy and wield the power to dole out telephone connections or hand out nationalized bank loans and progress in life. Another quote from my father – ‘In those days, there were 2 people you were supposed to know – One was the Babu to get the government business done and the other was the SBI bank manager to get the financial business done.’

In a way the spiffy, cheap interiors, quick pick up, not very expensive Maruti 800s that took on the ambling Ambassadors and Fiat cars that dominated Indian roads was the first challenge to the Raj, though there were car quotas still and one needed to bribe a Babu, mainly by offering foreign made liquor bottles or the good old Gandhi Currency.

The Maruti 800, fast, flexible and individualistic, though a tin pot compared to cars of today, indicated the ’90s and new millennium. Today a typical middle class Indian family travels in a snazzier Maruti Swift or a Hyundai I-20, financed out of a quick processing private bank, visits malls during the weekend, watches high priced multiplex movies, while the kids gorge on pizza and burgers, probably from McDonald’s, home delivery or take away, resulting in new age problems such as obesity and hypertension.

The parents lead jet setting corporate lives, grapple with deadlines, keep global times; some fight lifestyle related heart problems and hypertension, while others spend time at the gym or spa to de-stress and detoxify. Telephone connections are not a problem, bank loans are available online, cars can be brought off the shelf like a pair of jeans. Jeans themselves can be bought on EMI’s.

There is freedom to choose. Love marriages are on the rise, so is the visibility of gays and divorce rates.

Discussions center on Nehru’s affairs with foreign women, rather than his beliefs and vision. Gandhi is remembered in context of Bollywood masala flicks such as Lage Raho Munnabhai.

The ones who have made it bigger via the stock market or real estate windfalls, commute in bigger Honda cars or even a BMW and travel abroad for holidays and spend evenings at expensive clubs, discussing art investments.

Lest we forget, India still has a huge mass of people who still live in poverty in abysmal socioeconomic circumstances, though as the new-age Babu’s would like to make you believe that the times are changing. The middle class may be travelling on the expressway of freedom of choices and fast money but it is the real India in the rural areas, which is crying out for its own icons of liberation. Liberation not from the stifling Babu-dom or the License Raj but from the repressing poverty they have been subjected to for the last 60 years of independence. Let us not forget that.

The era of Bajaj Scooters and Maruti 800s is history. As the British saying goes – “The King Is Dead. Long Live the King.”

The last wish

What do you do when you are leaving your organization? Get your financial details updated, serve the notice period, give KT, write the customary goodbye mail to all colleagues.

But there are some great souls there who regard colleagues as friends and go beyond the goodbye mail and write masterpieces. One of my friends, Surender alias Pinku wrote this gem of a mail when he was leaving Satyam.

Title: The last wish

Two years ago we joined a new college.

To earn a few penny and gain some knowledge.

Far from home in the cold chilly weather

At heaven of STC we all got together.

The morning rush with the roommate

Racing with others for not getting late

The torture started at the strike of Seven

We survived by keeping messenger online

The afternoon session was really overkill

Since Cafeteria food was indeed a sleeping pill

Submitting the assignments n projects was a total waste

As we followed the magic trick of copy-paste.

The junk forwards continued to flow

We waited whole week for the new movie show

Along with friends when everything was quiet

We roamed around the campus till the late night.

The modules and compre didn’t let us sleep

Some cleared away while others had to weep

Results came out, no more hosting

We had to leave, as per the posting.

Battle for Projects then began soon

Mailboxes spammed by every goon

Giving last look to the gratifying paradise

The Satyamites(ELTP) left with the watery eyes.

We all settled down in the different places

Though memories of Hyderabad left in the traces.

New friends and colleagues now we have made

The old intimacy is slowly going fade

2 years gone by since we had a start

Moments of past is stirring my heart

In the noisy world today am losing my mind

The last wish I make, if time could rewind……….

Book novels kitaab text etc

I am generally considered to be a bibliophile or in other words a ‘bookworm’. My advice is generally sought out on matters related to reviews of books, asking about an author and all other sundry matters related to the collection of written texts. Though I don’t profess to be an all knowing Guru of book-ish knowledge, still I enjoy the tag. What I don’t exactly enjoy is answering the same old query almost everyone asks, “yaar, which book should I buy / read?”

If you think its easy, well, retrospect! For I may recommend a Mills & Boon to my young cousin, however I would recommend the Bhagwat gita to my old uncle. The trick of the trade is, my readers, to know the likes and general dislikes of a person; the personality in short.

That’s what gets me wondering – Is there no such list which can cater to all & sundry without prejudice to sex, age and proficiency in the English language? There are many such top 100 lists out there on the net but nothing for the junta who are willing to read but don’t know what to read.

Thinking of all the books I have read, heard or even just skimmed through, I can list some books that can cater to this vast segmented populace. This list is for the general public who want to read a book, but don’t consider themselves to be avid readers. The list is from my limited repository of books and excludes books which I have not read. So if you think some book is missing its rightful place here, please do drop a note.

So read away:

1. Animal farm – George Orwell.

2. The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho.

3. Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien.

4. The Da vinci code – Dan brown

5. A walk to remember - Nicholas Sparks

6. The Kite runner - Khaled Hosseini

7. To kill a mocking bird – Harper Lee

8. A short history of nearly everything – Bill Bryson

9. The collected short stories by Jeffrey Archer

10. Treasure island - Robert Louis Stevenson

I have left out classics like Atlas Shrugged, Fountainhead, Lord of the Flies, Pride & Prejudice among many others. It wasn’t that they were not deserving, but they would not fit the reading list of the general population. But, I would not like to discourage anyone from reading further. If there is a specific genre you are looking for, please see this useful page: - Penguin List

In the end, I ask everyone reading this page to take a minute and just COMMENT on what your favorite book is till date. Thanks

We The Women

Relationships fulfill our very basic need : companionship. And, relationships are also something that need constant work to go on. In his last post, Dhruv enumerated some male faux-pau. It got me thinking about yet another important part of a relationship : equality. And, being the feminist that I am, I think both the gender need to accept responsibility of how the relationship is going. So, we the women also need to understand where we go wrong, too. I tried a few things :

1) Does He ever understand/ Think/ Feel ? : After a fight, women usually complain of the guy's super-sonic brain speed. The common pattern of cribbing is " he never understands what i feel and think." Well, gals, i guess the synapses in emotional areas form a bit slow in them, but then they do. Thankfully ;). Only, till the time the bell rings we are too pissed off to talk about it.

2) The Verbal Language Expression: Most females are better in communicating. This owes to better communication between two halves of the brain. And, expression of love in most of the females has variety. The guys get chastised when they donot match our level of expression. " If i can do it, why cant he? " Well, the fact is, they cannot match our levels , it would be such a waste. So, we need to moderate our expectations. They do it when it really matters ( only, mostly and hopefully ).

3) Catastrophising and Overgeneralizing : So, if you are seeing a guy whose expression of love ( or absence of it) gives you a heartburn , you will tend to catastrophize. We all know how well they express it when there is a chase to acquire you but then there is a steady decline. And, we start thinking that the guy doesnt love us as much. Well, if the guy is really into you, better look for expression of love in kind or acts, you"ll se plenty. Words are just one way to express. May be, OUR favourite way.

4) Assuming men are sex-starved animals: If we have had a bad experience in the past, chances are great that we"ll have problems in developing trust in a future relationship. Well, don't we all always say " I know what he wants " . This holds true especially when we are simultaneously feeling lack of tending to our emotional needs. I donot say men dont want sex from you. Poor things, just say wrong things at the wrong time, or so I feel. And that gets US going for sure. Only in the wrong trajectory. A true guy will make you comfortable, they do.

5) The Grapevine : Ahem.. We the females are social animals at the higher order I guess. Most of us discuss our boyfriends in great detail. And, also what we do. Sharing is a good thing , I know. And, all the things we cant tell you guys, we tell that to our girl friends. And, if we need to fume ( more ) and do an activity called " name calling ", we enjoy it better with our GFs. And, I accept we fell great after that. But, yes, its not always a great thing. We must know how to edit and with hold information - and yes- like good guys do.

6) Over-Analysis : When we face a problem in our relationship, we involuntarily take the responsibility of fixing it. Actually speaking, I dunno if the problem will be solved ever if we leave it upto you ( I think so :)) ) . And, in the process of reaching the solution we reach a stage where an issue has been pulled and examined thread-bare( with GFs' assistance ) and beyond recognition. Please lets give our important and precious brains some rest!! I am sure, the world needs us for better things :))

7) Compromising too much : As females we are more programmed to adjust and mould ourselves according to needs. But we to tend to over do it, forgetting what we used to be. A friend of mine, a very chirpy, outgoing girl became a complete recluse, always glued to her phone.With poor sleep and eating habits, she started even looking different. And more changes followed. I do question if we would want to change ourselves beyond recognition. Many girls do. Love yourself and then think of loving someone else.

8) Plethora of Details : We are definitely more verbose, descriptive and attentive to details of just about anything. And when we talk, we talk to explain it all. Needless of the need of the hour. When we are talking to our female mates, this works well. And, many times the guy will also endure being so in love. But, yes, it would be better for the guy's health ( and ours' ) if we do watch the time and mood. Guys never never can care less about so much detailing that we do. They just nod, watch next time carefully. But, just let it pass.

9) The Silent/ Sulking Treatment : Expression of anger on the guy predominantly takes two forms : Silent or Sulking. And of course if we have been hurt ( esp when the guy forgets important days; so characteristic of guys ) this will follow. But, we again tend to over do it, hold it to our hearts and bring the issue again in the next fight. Its so natural to react like this but of course doesnt help anyone. Try more productive ways of resolution of feelings. And, try and let go faster ( very difficult for us, i know ).

10) The Emotional Atyachaar : Now, I dont want to make fun of the times when we cry and give a philosophy lecture when we feel emotional. But, in retrospect I think we can do without it. As if the guy can understand and assimilate half the things we say. And, anyone changes if you say? They change when they need to ( applies across gender, age etc) . So, here is one indication that we save our breath. And my experience tells me ( dunno if others agree), the real guy is at sea when we cry. Poor thing, doesnt know how to react, what to say or do. He is just totally in the state of shock. And , we dont help them either, rather complicate the matters by shrugging and shunning them. So, its like wanting the thing we dont want right now. Well, even i didnt know how to handle this.

Well, I think I understood this after making these many mistakes in my relationships. And, worst is that all of us keep repeating them. But, understanding problems is first step towards problem resolution. With this post, I intend to help us all understand how contribute to our own problems. I am no expert at solving them ( rather worse) but I am beginning to try and introspect. And, my last word is, whatever we say or do, we are incomplete without these people we love and cherish. So, hold them with gratitude and respect.

MMM : Mistakes Men Make

How do I get a girl to like me? What can I do to let her know how I feel about her? Does she like me?

These may be most frequent questions in a single man in India who is as the line goes ‘Single, ready to Mingle’. The desperation to mingle gets magnified so much that the man commits grave mistakes trying to get that special girl in his life. While I think what a man does in his life is his own business, still I think the majority need to be educated & informed about the faux-pas committed by them. Being a brethren of the male homosapien species, I want to help my fellow Mankind get their Womankind or atlas understand where they are going wrong in the relationship.

While I cannot speak for women nor can a woman speak for all women, there are characteristics the majority of women want in a man. I’ve read several books, talked to ‘attraction’ experts, talked to women about what they want in a man, tested techniques, and have observed many scenarios comparing and contrasting variables men display in their interaction with women to develop a set of avoidable mistakes men can avoid to build their attractiveness towards women.

So here is my take on the mistakes men make:

1. Love is not just Physical

Most of the men behave as a sex-starved animal. Their thinking is limited to “I need a girl, will she work?” They see women as an object not as a person. While there may be nymphomaniac women out there who enter into relationships only for sex. However here we are concentrating our activities to get your special girl to love you. For that, you need to get over that sex-obsessed syndrome infected satyromania.

2. Don’t be too nice but don’t be a jerk

Have you ever noticed that the really desirable women never seem to be attracted to us "nice" guys? I know you must be saying “ALL THE TIME”. Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks or a**holes"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.

What's going on here?

Simply because, women don't base their choices of men on a mythical ‘niceometer’. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful unexplainable GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. And guess what? Being nice doesn't necessarily make a girl sense that powerful ATTRACTION.

I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to accept but get over it. Remember: Dont go the other way & be a jerk and make her uncomfortable.

3. When she says No, she means No

Ok. Sample question: What would you do if you meet a girl that you REALLY like... but she is just not interested?

I know you will be thinking: “I’ll try to "convince" the girl to feel differently.”

Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A GIRL "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never. If you have seen the movie “Bruce Almighty”, then you may know what I am talking about. You cannot CONVINCE a girl to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning". If a girl doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her? But we all do it. When a girl just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind. Bad idea dude.

When she says No, it is best to back out, but don’t back out too much. Give her space & time for the feeling to develop (if it can).

4. Trying to BUY her love

How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice date, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did? For a girl, it was an easy choice to make. When you do these things, you send a clear message:

"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".

Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION. Don’t be extravagant. That should come later in the relationship.

5. Making Friendship

I have heard countless stories from my female friends of boys coming at them with various variants of the line : “I want to be friends with you”. Sorry! Your friendship is over before it could ever get started. Friendship doesn’t happen like that. It is a gradual process and it doesn’t happen in packets. It just happens. You cant force it to happen. Atleast not with girls.

6. Who the hell are you? (Jaan naa pehchaan, tu mera mehmaan)

Most of the men think themselves of Adonis reborn. They think women are dying to talk to them. They think they only have to take the 1^st step. While it is true that men have to take the 1^st step, but then you have to see where the step lies.

What I mean to say is that Girls don’t welcome strangers on the 1^st step even if they are handsome, rich or cute. While the before mentioned traits may be helpful, they don’t exactly gurantee a warm welcome by women.

You need to have a very plausible reason to be making a women’s acquaintance. It may be a common reference, some professional issue, some school –college link. There has to be something. A complete stranger is a bad no-no!

7. Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks

One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.

And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.

But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks. There are personality traits as well.

In the end, I wont say what you should do, but I will just say Don’t do the things I have just mentioned. If they help you, please let me know.

Lost in Translation - Dogri

In the foothills of the Himalayas, there is a town called Jammu in the state of Jammu & Kashmir, which I am proud to call home. There is a lot of difference between the Jammu region & the Kashmir region in areas of topography, language, politics, main occupation. However, as you start travelling down, the difference between the areas becomes fuzzier to our fellow countrymen. There is a common perception that Jammu & Kashmir are more like twin cities or they have the same behavioral patterns as per language, society, weather, aspirations. Well, nothing can be farther from the truth. Ethnically, Jammu is largely Dogra. Dogri is considered to be the main language of the Jammu region. (More info on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jammu)

Wait... You must be asking "Dogri" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogri). Which language is that? Isn’t it supposed to be the same as Punjabi?” Well, I do confess it is phonetically similar to Punjabi. But it has some nuances of its own. Every language has some words / idioms which are inherently its own. These linguistic pieces are literally untranslatable, for e.g. duende in Spanish & maktub in Arabic. Dogri also boasts of some unique words, which you may not have heard of or there might not be any equivalent in any other language.

Using some of these ‘untranslatable’ words in some of the other parts of the country, I have been unable to educate my compatriots about the actual meaning of the words. AND the correct way of pronunciation. There is a way of pronouncing even Hindi words in Dogri / Punjabi accent which make the word seem alien and sometimes phunny (Spelling mistake intended). Like 'security' is pronounced “Sekorti", 'computer' is pronounced “koumpootr”, ‘announcement’ is “lousemint”. Coming back to the ethnic phrases / words part, I am listing my top 10 ones, along with my interpretation on the supposed meaning, pronunciation and application of the words.

 

1. Khajal (kh {as in kheer}, ajal {as in kajal})

The art of not doing anything in particular, wandering aimlessly or as in 'khajal karna' - making some one roam around endlessly in some vain quest. Some people have spent their whole lives being Khajal. Some words in addendum are Khajalpanti, khajalpann. If you hear this word anywhere, rest assured that person has been khajal once in his / her life.

Used as in - "I am just being Khajal". " Tune mujhe khajal kiyaa hai (You have made me khajal)".

 

2. Banda hai yaa nai hai

The literal translation comes out to be like “Are you a person or a barber (nai)?". The supposition here is that barbers are not considered as par with other people. (No offense intended). Usage situation - When someone does some work in a wrong manner or does something silly, you berate him by using this conjecture.

 

3. Baayngad (Bay-un-gad)

A little crazy guy (not deranged) with a penchant for pranks or a person who will do things his own way often contrary to logic & reasoning.

Usage - " Munna baeyngadd hai, he went at 1 am at night to the railway station to drink chai there"!

 

4. Khadpaench - ( Kh {as in khymer} - ad - Paench {as ‘pench’ in penchant} ).

A person who is at the forefront of everything, who takes responsibility of doing things, even when he has no knowledge about it. Used mainly in a derogatory way. Usage - " Badaa khadpaench bandya hai ( He was trying to be a big khadpaench)".

 

5. Turry ( Taree rhyming with curry { with a soft T} )

Tall tales or unbelievable stories / incidents.

Usage – Basically used as a noun. E.g. - Turry dolnaa.

 

6. Nagg (Like ‘nug’ in ‘nugget’)

In Dogri slang, Nagg is used to refer to a person who is good for nothing .The basic meaning of Nagg is ‘still item’. It is believed in Dogri culture that still items are good for nothing, hence the analogy between the items and the person. A combination of Nagg and khadpaench is a person who thinks he knows everything but can do nothing.

Usage – Used primarily as an adjective. You can use it in friendly banter “Tu toh Nagg hi hai maaye”.

 

7. Badd pandey  (Bud -{as in Budweiser} Pandey)

The Dogri version of ‘Go to hell’ or ‘Shit!!!’ Used mainly in situations when something goes extremely wrong and you want to relieve the pent up frustrations. The second part of the phrase has to be said with force and feeling

Usage – There is also a more explicit version of the phrase. In that you substitute Pandey with a more offensive term.

  

8. Nash (Nash like the cricketer Dion Nash)

Nash is basically ill-luck. Nashi can be used to describe a cursed fellow who brings Nash to all his mates.

Usage - The best part of this word is that it can become a Noun (Nash), verb (Nash Lagaana), Adjective (Nashi).

 

 9. Dael (Da -{as in Dad} Al {as in Al Gore})

Dael is style or panache or fame or recognition. And everything that goes with them. When a person has Dael, he is envied for those traits. Having Dael is like becoming an idol.

Usage – When someone does or has something extraordinary, like having a beautiful girlfriend, you say “Yaar, Dael hai teri!”

 

10. Chol (Ch {as in Chinese} -ol)

Well, Chol is an ambiguous word. In one sense, Chol refers to rice in Dogri. However in the current context, Chol means humiliation. When someone commits a social slip-up, or when you embarrass someone, a Chol is supposed to have taken place.

Usage – Suppose a guy claims he can drink 5 bottles of beer. But when he tries, he quits after 2 bottles. In that case, you can say that a Chol has taken place.

 

My request to Non-Dogri knowing people: Please try incorporating these words in some situations and tell me the result at dhruvsuri1@gmail.com OR you can simply comment here at the end of this blog.

For Duggars - Migi dogri nai aandi magar main puri koshish kiti hai. Agar koi galti hoi hai taan dasso.

Thanks to Rajnesh (alias ‘The Chacha’), Pursharth (alias ‘Pascoe’), Shilpa (alias ‘Ma~am’) & Indu (alias ‘JTO’) for the help in collecting the words.

Lastly, I am grateful to all my friends who I was Khajal with. We used to act Baayngad together. Lots of Tarees used to be told. There were some Nagg’s too who were Nashi as well, but we said ‘Badd Pandey’ to them. They would get Chol-ofied. Our Dael would be maintained.